Vova!
You shouldn't joke like that...
This air has only 2% oxygen
of normal.
Gedevan... Don't do this.
You're so young. Live!
Maybe things will change...
Fiddler isn't needed, Uncle Vova.
Hey, Patsak!
You’re going to croak anyway...
Tell me the truth for once
in your life.
Why didn't you go home...
...with that transferring jerk
while you could?
What did you want?
Crimson Pants?
PJ's bathhouse?
Tell me!
Gedevan-niko, shvilo
‘my son’ in Georgian)...
Vova doesn’t confess...
You probably know his reasons...
Tell me please!!
You can trust me.
We’re of the same blood.
I have a Georgian mother.
Had.
(Wef & Gedevan
both speak Georgian)
Нe says his mother
is a local Georgian.
Was.
Wef! I don’t care!
I’ll koo them to Alpha!
- What?! Kyoo...
- And you, lousy Chatlanian,
put on the tsak!
And SIT DOWN when you talk
to a Patsak!
Hanoud is a Patsak planet,
my friend!
...Say it again, Vova.
OK, OK. You will eject us
on Alpha, and try to brake
in its orbit, and then...
Like hell! You won't be able
to brake there!
Don't interrupt...
Go on, my friend.
Grr... On Alpha, while they
transfer us to the Earth,
we must hold on to the bottom
of the transfer machine...
...and the gadget will transfer
with us, in our hands.
On Earth we'll buy you
4 big crates of matches.
Go on, my friend.
OK, may I stop
repeating this litany?
I’ll do all that, I promise.
Now, let's go!
If we're still going to...
Because of you I'll be a cactus
in a pot forever!
And you don’t even want repeat
such a nice thing once again,
don't you?!
Oh shit… Brothers!
My dear, good friends...
Let's fly, it's really time!
Or at least close this door...
I can't stand the sight of you
any longer,
it makes me sick.
Farewell, my friend.
...And we’re flying.
Brake! Brake! Brake!
How can I brake?!
You’ve drunk all our brake fluid!
Alcoholic!
Poor old man, he’s poisoned now.
Turn off your antlers!
They can’t be turned off.
Take them off then!
No! They're fragile.
I think we’ve landed.
That’s how it was the last time.
Aha...
Put on your gas mask.
What about tsak?
No, they’ll have to do without.
Earth!
(Wef sings: )
On the river, on the river,
on yonder bank...
No... this isn’t Earth.
Hello!
We're Patsaks
from the planet Earth.
And you?
This is the planet Alpha.
Report your co-ordinates
to Ms Dekont,
and she will transfer you
to your starting point.
Have a nice day.
Your planet number,
if you'd be so good.
013 in the Tenture.
It’s somewhere here...
Er... about this sector...
There.
To the left of Ursa Major.
This is not necessary.
Would you please,
hold your hands.
Young lady, what are you
going to do with these?
They will be placed
into the additional room
of the 1st Greenhouse.
Earthlings, would you please...
Miss...
...hold your hands!
Do you really turn people
into cacti?
Only Plukanians.
Oh, but they're not Plukanians.
They're Hanoudians.
This is irrelevant.
Please put on your breathing masks.
Why? You have nice air.
That is precisely why.
Bah! For cryin' out loud!
OK, Gedevan.
Calm down. Put it on.
In the name of our planet,
I'm asking you to let them go.
Who decides their fate?
Abradox. But...
Take us to him.
Otherwise I'll take off my mask
and start breathing.
You shouldn't worry.
Our greenhouses are
very comfortable.
Blossoming... micro-climate...
serenity.
One should envy them.
Then my dear,
why do you frolic around,
here on the grass...
...instead of sitting there
in a plant pot?
Please watch your step.
You've already squashed
three plants.
Friend!
We want to ask you something...
No need to continue. NO.
Our proximity to the
Kin-Dza-Dza galaxy
is our greatest problem.
These people are plagued
by yearnings and desires...
Vile desires!
To continue their lives
in the form of plants
would be a blessing for them.
And for everyone else.
Can we send for them and
ask them what would be
a blessing for them and what not?
Well