's go!
I hope you children have learned
something about life and death!
Yeah! Don't die unless someone is home!
I think Normie will understand...
...when he sees the note
we pinned on Edna's sleeve.
Sure! You left his dead mother
tied to a lawn chair in his backyard!
I'm sure he won't mind!
It's all over and done with!
We'll find a motel and start fresh
in the morning.
I don't want to be in the car anymore.
I want to go home!
I don't want to go to Walley World!
Clark? Under the circumstances,
I would rather we just go home.
In retrospect, driving across country,
has been one disaster after another!
Yeah, it's been a real drag, Dad!
Maybe we can try it some other time.
Walley World's overrated anyway.
What do you think?
I think you're all fucked in the head.
We're ten hours from the fucking
fun park and you want to bail out.
Well, I'll tell you something.
This is no longer a vacation!
It's a quest!
It's a quest for fun.
I'm going to have fun and
you're going to have fun.
We're all going to have
so much fucking fun...
...we'll need plastic surgery
to remove our goddamn smiles.
You'll be whistling zippity-doo-dah
out of your assholes!
I have to be crazy.
I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose.
Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!
Dad, do you want
an aspirin or something?
Don't touch!
The next time you have
one of your outbursts...
...I'd appreciate it if you'd have
some consideration for your kids.
What are you talking about?
You don't know?
All I know is I'm trying to treat
my family to a little fun!
Spare me, Clark!
I know your brand of family fun.
Tomorrow you'll probably
kill the desk clerk...
...hold up a McDonald's, and drive us
a thousand miles out of the way...
...to see the world's largest
ball of mud!
You know what your problem is?
You have an uncanny knack
for looking at the dark side of things.
That's your problem.
You wouldn't know a good time
if it came up and bit you!
Where are you going?
What do you care?
Are you waiting for someone?
No! Do you mind if I sit down?
Fancy seeing you here.
Having a nice little family vacation?
It would appear so, wouldn't it?
No, the truth of it is,
and this is highly confidential...
...I own this motel.
I own the whole chain, nationwide.
Twenty-two hundred units.
Yeah, once a year,
I travel across the country, incognito.
Check things out,
and see how the operation is running.
I thought you were going to say
you worked for the CIA.
That's an old bit, isn't it?
Really.
No, I'm not with the CIA.
I was, but that was a long time ago.
I don't like to talk about it.
No, I'm mainly interested
in my motels now...
And my airline.
That's great.
I'm just trying to have a little fun.
It's a shame you're married.
I'm in the mood for some fun.
Married?
You mean those people I'm with?
That's my brother's family.
My brother's ring.
I usually borrow them on these
little inspection tours of mine.
It helps to complete the disguise.
It's fun for them.
It's a good disguise.
I like the station wagon effect.
Yeah? Well, that's a big part of it.
In order to be convincing, you have
to look and act like an ordinary jerk.
You know, stop at all the stupid sites
and look like a fool.
Basically, be yourself?
Yeah!
You like the disguise?
My credo is, if you have
to have a credo...
...you know, "Go for it," pretty much.
You only go around this crazy
merry-go-round once! You know?
I agree.
Yeah.
That's my credo!
You don't have to have a credo, but...
"If the shoe fits, wear it. "
"A penny saved... "
"Pennies from heaven... "
My favorite credo...
...you know "A penny saved, and... "
Thank you.
This feels great!
Well...
...are you going to go for it?
Uh... here?
To start with, yes.
Why not? Don't you swim?
Sure, I took third in the state finals
in my senior year.
Yeah, I'm really at ease in the water.
I'm proficient in many strokes
and I dive.
As a matter of fact,
I could've been in the