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I'm trying to treat my family
to a little fun!
Spare me, Clark!
I know your brand of family fun.
Tomorrow you'll probably
kill the desk clerk...
...hold up a McDonald's,
and drive us a thousand miles...
...to see the world's largest ball of mud!
CLARK: You know what your problem is?
You have a knack for looking
at the dark side of things.
That's your problem.
You wouldn't know a good time
if it came up and bit you!
Where are you going?
What do you care?
[Soft jazz music plays on piano]
Are you waiting for someone?
No! Do you mind if I sit down?
Fancy seeing you here.
Having a nice little family vacation?
Oh! No.
It would appear so, wouldn't it?
No, the truth of it is,
and this is highly confidential...
...I own this motel.
CLARK: I own the whole chain, nationwide.
Twenty-two hundred units.
Yeah, once a year,
I travel across the country, incognito.
I check things out,
and see how the operation is running.
I thought you were going to say
you worked for the CIA.
[Clark laughs]
That's an old bit, isn't it?
Really.
No, I'm not with the CIA.
I was, but that was a long time ago.
I don't like to talk about it.
No, I'm mainly interested
in my motels now...
And my airline.
That's great.
I'm just trying to have a little fun.
It's a shame you're married.
I'm in the mood for some fun.
Married? You mean those people I'm with?
That's my brother's family.
My brother's ring.
I usually borrow them on
these little inspection tours of mine.
It helps to complete the disguise.
It's fun for them.
It's a good disguise.
I like the station-wagon effect.
Yeah? Well, that's a big part of it.
In order to be convincing, you must look
and act like an ordinary jerk.
You know, stop at all the stupid sites
and look like a fool.
Basically, be yourself?
Yeah!
You like the disguise?
[Soft jazz music continues]
CLARK: My credo is,
if you have to have a credo...
...you know, "Go for it," pretty much.
You only go around this crazy
merry-go-round once! You know?
I agree.
Yeah.
[Clark inales heavily]
That's my credo!
You don't have to have a credo, but...
"If the fur fits, wear it."
"A penny saved..."
"Pennies from heaven..."
My favorite credo...
...you know, "A penny saved," and...
Thank you.
[Splash]
[Dixieland instrumental music, background]
This feels great!
Well...
...are you going to "go for it?"
Uh... here?
GIRL: To start with, yes.
Why not? Don't you swim?
Sure, I took third in the state finals
in my senior year.
Yeah, I'm really at ease in the water.
I'm proficient in many strokes and I dive.
As a matter of fact,
I could've been in the Olympics.
Yeah. I'll be right there.
Yeah. This is crazy, this is crazy,
this is crazy!
How's the water?
Exhilarating!
I'm in deep, I'm in deep!
It's cold!
Jesus! Fuck!
[Clark screams]
Clark?
CLARK: Cold!
[Dixieland instrumental music, background]
Clark?
Hi, honey.
What are you doing?
CLARK: Swimming!
Yeah, my back was killing me.
I thought I'd get a swim
and loosen up the muscles.
Why go to the car and get
the bathing suit? Jump right in.
CLARK: It's exhilarating.
Guess what, honey?
This person here was...
...here!
CLARK: I didn't see this person, so...
...I screamed, that's why I yelled.
I was so surprised.
You can imagine, can't you, honey?
Honey?
[Slow instrumental music, background]
Will you excuse me?
You have to go.
Well, I'd stay if I werert married, but I am.
I know.
I hope I didn't spoil your evening.
No, it's been interesting.
Well, enjoy the rest of your trip.
You, too.
[Slow instrumental music continues]
[Scattered voices]
I can't believe this.
I am so humiliated.
Cut it out. You don't even know
how to inale.
So?
Maybe I don't want to.
You're such a dork.
How can he do this to Mom?
They'll probably get a divorce.
I'd better go talk to him.
- Hey, squirt!
- Hey, Dad.
What are you doing up?
You woke the whole motel up, Dad.
[Clark laughs]
I was... swimming.
Yeah, I
Каникулы Каникулы

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