truth of it is,
and this is highly confidential...
...I own this motel.
I own the whole chain, nationwide.
Twenty-two hundred units.
Yeah, once a year,
I travel across the country, incognito.
Check things out,
and see how the operation is running.
I thought you were going to say
you worked for the CIA.
That's an old bit, isn't it?
Really.
No, I'm not with the CIA.
I was, but that was a long time ago.
I don't like to talk about it.
No, I'm mainly interested
in my motels now...
And my airline.
That's great.
I'm just trying to have a little fun.
It's a shame you're married.
I'm in the mood for some fun.
Married?
You mean those people I'm with?
That's my brother's family.
My brother's ring.
I usually borrow them on these
little inspection tours of mine.
It helps to complete the disguise.
It's fun for them.
It's a good disguise.
I like the station wagon effect.
Yeah? Well, that's a big part of it.
In order to be convincing, you have
to look and act like an ordinary jerk.
You know, stop at all the stupid sites
and look like a fool.
Basically, be yourself?
Yeah!
You like the disguise?
My credo is, if you have
to have a credo...
...you know, "Go for it," pretty much.
You only go around this crazy
merry-go-round once! You know?
I agree.
Yeah.
That's my credo!
You don't have to have a credo, but...
"If the shoe fits, wear it."
"A penny saved..."
"Pennies from heaven..."
My favorite credo...
...you know "A penny saved, and..."
Thank you.
This feels great!
Well...
...are you going to go for it?
Uh... here?
To start with, yes.
Why not? Don't you swim?
Sure, I took third in the state finals
in my senior year.
Yeah, I'm really at ease in the water.
I'm proficient in many strokes
and I dive.
As a matter of fact,
I could've been in the Olympics.
Yeah. I'll be right there.
Yeah. This is crazy, this is crazy,
this is crazy!
How's the water?
Exhilarating!
I'm in deep, I'm in deep!
It's cold! Jesus! Fuck!
Clark?
Cold!
Clark...?
Hi, honey.
What are you doing?
Swimming!
Yeah, my back was killing me.
And I thought I'd get a swim
and loosen up the muscles.
Why go to the car and get
the bathing suit? Jump right in.
It's exhilarating.
Guess what, honey?
This person here was...
...here!
I didn't see this person, so...
...I screamed, that's why I yelled.
I was so surprised.
You can imagine, can't you, honey?
Honey?!
Will you excuse me?
You have to go.
Well, I'd stay if I weren't married,
but I am.
I know.
I hope I didn't spoil your evening.
No, it's been interesting.
Well, enjoy the rest of your trip.
You, too.
I can't believe this.
I am so humiliated.
Cut it out. You don't even know
how to inhale.
So?!
Maybe I don't want to.
You're such a dork.
How can he do this to Mom?
They'll probably get a divorce.
I better have a talk with him.
What are you doing up?
You woke the whole motel up, Dad.
I was...
...swimming.
Yeah, I saw you.
Russ, come here a minute.
You know I wouldn't
do anything to hurt your Mom.
It's been a long drive.
I work very hard for you,
Audrey and your mom.
I guess when you get older
you get these feelings...
...and these feelings make you do
things you wouldn't normally do.
Like swimming naked with girls?
Yeah! Like swimming naked with girls.
Well, not with girls.
You think I was swimming with girls?
I saw just one girl.
Who, that girl?
Oh, no, that's a waitress.
No, I was just ordering in.
She's a pool waitress.
I was ordering some fish
for you, Audrey and Mom.
She took your order?
She took my order, yeah.
Swimming waitress.
You understand, don't you, Russ?
Sure, I understand.
Do you think Mom will buy it?
Good talk, son. Go to bed, Russ.
Goodnight.
Ellen?
Ellen?
Honey?
Are you mad?
No.
Do you like that girl?
Is that what you want?
Oh, no.
How could I like a girl like that?
She's ugly.
I love you.
I'm sorry about everything.
I got angry because
you were right and I knew it.
I was