Look at those things.
- Let's get our picture taken.
- No, they're silly.
- I'll buy one for Jack.
- Okay.
Rusty.
Russ, what's wrong?
I feel like an idiot because of
this stupid hat you made me wear.
I want to talk to you.
Two things. First, you're never an idiot.
You're a Griswald.
Understand that?
Second, you know I'd never do
anything to injure you.
You know I'd never do anything
to hurt my opinion of myself.
If the beret bothers you, it bothers me.
If it upsets you, it upsets me.Second, you know I'd never do
anything to injure you.
You know I'd never do anything
to hurt my opinion of myself. Right?
- Yeah.
- So...
If the beret bothers you, it bothers me.
If it upsets you, it upsets me
Are we okay?
How did you enjoy shopping today?
Wait until you see what I got.
I got it because the saleslady said
it's one of a kind.
I'll never find another like it.
I know it's silly...
...but I only got it for you.
Honey, I wouldn't want the kids
to see me in something like this.
Sparky, it's our first night in Paris.
Let's do something romantic.
- I'm taking you out to dinner.
- "Out"?
I felt like staying in.
I thought it would be really nice
to be alone.
I'd never go anywhere without you.
Cheer up. I promised you a night
on the town.
We'll see some French culture.
You'll love it.
Down with the feet, hip distance apart...
...stomachs pulled in, buttocks tight.
Let's start with head rolls.
To the right and back and left and forward.
Isn't this great?
They've done this for eons in France.
This is real culture.
Exhale and raise your arms over your head.
Reach with the right...
Clark, could I have the coat check?
I think I've had enough French culture
for one evening.
Look. - I am looking.
Back there.
- It's just a hooker. They're everywhere.
- Look who she is with.
Russell Griswald.
Oink, oink, my good man.
- How did you get in?
- I paid.
- I'm surprised at you.
- I'm surprised at you, Dad.
Don't talk back.
- Who was that cheap slut?
- Cherie's not a slut.
I'm disappointed in you.
Who said, "When in Rome,
do as the Romans do"?
I said Rome, not Paris.
This is Paris, and you're drunk.
Hold it!
Let me have it!
Today is my turn.
- Give them to me.
- No!
Look what you did to them.
They're mine! How many times do
I have to tell you that?
Will you slow down? The kids are exhausted.
It closes in 15 minutes.
There are 100,000 works of art to see.
Great. Are you happy, Dad? She's dead.
I'm proud of you guys.
We've seen everything in Paris,
and we're on schedule.
Can't we slow down a little bit?
I'm exhausted.
We'll have a relaxing time with
my relatives in Germany.
Enjoying Paris?
Have you seen the Louvre yet?
Not yet.
The Left Bank is charming.
We plan to go there.
- Been up the Eiffel Tower yet?
- No, but it's on our list.
Have a good time.
What a waste. We've seen 10 times
as much as they have.
Hi, sweetie. You want some breakfast?
I'm not hungry.
He's got his hands on her tits
right at the table.
Stop staring.
European standards of public behavior
are different than ours.
But they're from Akron.
Audrey, I've missed the shit out of you.
Luckily, Debbie came by to cheer me up.
- That bitch!
- Something the matter, Audrey?
It's time we asked ourselves this question:
Is this relationship strong enough
for us to consider seeing other people?
I think it is.
Pass the croissants, please.
And the butter and jelly.
I'm glad your appetite's back.
Who have I got to be thin for?
He's going to pork her.
He isn't going to pork her. Now eat.
I think he is.
He may pork her. Just eat, okay?
There it is, kids.
My motherland.
Dad, Grandma's from Chicago.
Shut up, Russ.
I can't wait to meet our relatives,
in person.
Dipplestrabe.
What are we looking for?
- Sechs.
- That will do, Audrey.
That's German for "six. "
Is that true?
My family and I are looking for sechs.
There's number six.
Fritz, Clark Griswald. Good to see you.