trunks
for your corpse.
I'm sorry. I've been in the suburbs
watching my brother's kids a few days.
They're cuties.
Art Linkletter was right. Kids do say
the goddamnedest things.
Is Chanice here?
I'm flying solo tonight.
I want to let her have it
for not marrying you.
If she'd marry your worthless butt,
I would be able to find you.
I gotta talk business.
I can't find you.
Why don't we step
into my office then?
Excuse us.
Come on, big mouth.
- It was nice meeting you.
- I'll remember it always.
Cute kid.
- Jimmy Bean called.
- Yeah?
He's coming in for the Winter Million
at Burlington Park on Friday.
He says it's a boat race,
very easy money. He owes you and me.
He says to show up an hour before
post time and he'll give us the tip.
Consider this, Buck. With this score,
your whole year's covered.
Maybe I can make it work.
I'll see you Friday night.
Thanks, Rog.
Watch the Sterno, will you?
Watch your fingers.
What's a "Chanice"?
That's someone who's sometimes seen
around a Buck.
Your girlfriend?
A friend.
And, yes, she is a girl.
Are you supposed to marry her?
The subject has come up,
but nothing serious.
Maybe if you got married,
you'd stop being such an asshole.
- Cigar?
- No, thanks.
- Let me know if you change your mind.
- I will.
I'll get it nice and juicy for you.
This is where you separate
the men from the boys.
Easy. Easy.
There you go.
Yeah, I got you now.
Happy birthday!
I hope you're hungry.
You should see the toast.
I couldn't get it through the door.
Announcement here. There's going
to be a delay on the clown.
- What clown?
- Miles' mom hired a clown.
You don't like clowns?
Yeah, about five years ago.
Now they're so boring...
they make me puke.
The vest, the flower.
Screw them. That's all they get.
I'm Pooter the Clown.
Put it there.
Kids will love that.
I didn't order you.
My sister-in-law did.
She's not here.
I'm the uncle.
- Buck Russell's the name.
- I'm sorry I'm late.
I was at this
all-night bachelorette party.
Need any dildo jokes?
I'm the guy!
Did you have a few drinks this morning?
I think you did, didn't you?
Are you Mother Cabrini?
You never touch the stuff?
No, but I wouldn't be drinking
if I was gonna entertain some kids.
I don't have to take any shit from you.
You know who I am?
In the field of local,
live home entertainment, I'm a god!
Get in your mouse
and get out of here.
Let me tell you something,
you lowlife...
lying, four-flushing sack of shit.
Let's go out to the car.
Why?
What do you mean "why"?
Not now.
It's fine.
It's not fine.
Why not?
I don't feel right yet.
You ever going to feel right?
I don't get where we're going.
I told you 25 times.
We're going to pick up Tia.
- She's eating at a cheerleader's house.
- So she says.
Since when do cheerleaders
live in the woods?
I'll take you home.
I don't want to go home.
I'm okay.
Sure?
Trust me.
Shit!
Well, well, well.
They are scraping the bottom of
the barrel for cheerleaders these days.
What are you doing here?
We were going out for ice cream.
Thought you might like to join us.
I said I'd be home at 10:00.
It's not even 9:00.
Who said anything about that? I thought
you'd like to join us for ice cream.
Maybe your "Bug" here can join us.
We can talk about burying the hatchet.
- Do you know what a hatchet is, Bug?
- It's an ax?
Sort of, yeah.
I got one in the car
if you'd like to see it.
- I'll pass.
- Fair enough.
I like to carry it. You never know
when you're going to need it.
A situation may come up.
For example,
someone's been drinking...
and about to drive
a loved one home.
Then I like to know I have it.
Not to kill, no.
Just to maim.
Take a little off the shoulder.
The elbow.
Shave a little meat...
off the old kneecap.
You got both kneecaps?
I like to keep mine razor-sharp.
Sharp enough to shave with them.
I've been known
to circumcise a gnat.
You're not a gnat, are you, Bug?
Wait a minute.