pretty great.
So nothing's ever gonna happen
between us.
Okay, let me ask you something.
If what you and your wife have
is so great...
...then why are you spending
Christmas with me?
You were the most beautiful woman
in the room tonight.
-Really?
-Are you kidding?
You're the most beautiful woman
in most rooms.
What's going on?
You and I just made out.
-You and I are making out?
-Well, not anymore.
-But we don't do that.
-I know. I just thought it would be fun.
-How drunk are you?
-Drunk enough that I wanna do this.
Not so drunk that you should
feel guilty about taking advantage.
That's a perfect amount.
-You know what's weird?
-What?
-This doesn't feel weird.
-I know.
-You're a really good kisser.
-Well, I have kissed over four women.
You wanna get under the covers?
Okay.
Wow, you are really fast.
It bodes well for me
that speed impresses you.
-We're gonna see each other naked.
-Yep.
-You want to do it at the same time?
-Count of three?
-One.
-Two.
Three.
Well, I think it's safe to say
that our friendship is effectively ruined.
We weren't that close anyway.
Are you really gonna go out
with that nurse-man?
Well, you and I
are just goofing around.
I thought, why not
just goof around with him?
I don't know if you've ever looked up
"goofing around" in the dictionary.
Well, I have.
And the technical definition
is two friends...
...who care a lot about each other
and have amazing sex...
...and just want to spend
more time together.
If you have this newfangled dictionary
that gets you mad at me...
...then we have to, you know,
get you my original dictionary.
I am so bad at this.
I think you're better
than you think you are.
-Really? Okay. So if--?
-Know when to stop.
I sensed that I should stop.
-So we're okay?
-Yeah.
-Don't do the dance.
-Right.
I can't get married without
something old, something new...
-...something borrowed, something blue.
-Okay, okay.
Here's something blue and new.
You are so efficient. I love you.
-Let's go.
-No, no, wait!
We need something old.
Okay. I have a condom in my wallet
that I've had since I was 12.
That'll work!
I don't think so.
Okay. Now we just need
something borrowed.
-Here, just take this.
-That's stealing.
We'll bring it back.
Just put it under your dress.
Okay, one thing at a time.
Listen...
...l've been thinking.
It's not fair for me to ask you to spend
all of your money on our wedding.
I mean, you work--
You work really hard for that.
-Well....
-Well, you work for that.
Look, I've thought about it too.
And...
...I'm sorry. I think we should spend
all of the money on the wedding.
-You do?
-Yeah. I'm putting my foot down.
Yeah, look, when I proposed...
...I told you that I would do anything
to make you happy.
And if having the perfect wedding
makes you happy, then....
Then that's what we're gonna do.
You are so sweet.
But wait. What about our--?
What about the future and stuff?
Forget about the future and stuff.
So we only have two kids.
You know, we'll pick our favorite,
and that one will get to go to college.
-You've thought about that?
-Yeah.
-How many kids were we gonna have?
-Four. A boy, twin girls...
...and another boy.
-What else did you think about?
-Well...
...stuff like where we'd live, you know.
Like a small place outside the city
where our kids could ride bikes and stuff.
And we could have a cat
that had a bell on its collar...
...and we could hear it every time
it ran through the little kitty door.
We'd have an apartment over the garage
where Joey could grow old.
You know what?
I don't--
I don't want a big, fancy wedding.
-Sure you do.
-No.
I want everything
that you've just said.
I want a marriage.
You sure?
-I love you so much.
-I love you.
-I love it!
-Really? You're not gonna return it?
Well, not this second.
Hey, look, you guys. It's snowing!
-Wow, it's so beautiful.
-Wow, it really is.
Wendy's a fat-girl name.
Aren't we