knew we were coming here tonight.
I ate nothing all day.
What about me?
I only had one lunch today.
So are we expecting
the rest of our party shortly?
Yes, they are expected presently.
Yeah.
Their arrival is in the offing.
Right. We have a table for two available.
-Perhaps you'd--
-No, they're coming.
We're waiting right here.
Joseph!
One needn't worry.
They shan't be long.
It's just that we do have
some large parties waiting.
Oh, one really does have a stick
up one's ass, doesn't one?
How can you smoke in this day and age?
Have you not seen that ad?
Where the little kid walks
through Grandpa? It's chilling!
I messed up. It was a meeting.
Everybody was smoking.
So what? Don't you have any willpower?
Willpower? I've watched home movies
of you eating Ding Dongs...
...without taking the tinfoil off!
You said that was sexy!
Okay, look, can we just drop this?
I'm not gonna smoke again.
That's right, because I forbid you
to smoke again.
You forbid me?
I've flown a long way
to see my loving wife.
Is she here, by the way?
Chandler, don't joke with me. Okay?
I'm very, very upset right now.
-ls this the most upset you could be?
-I think so.
Well, then I might as well...
...do this.
Not really sure what to do now.
I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
We're already late
for Phoebe's birthday dinner.
So you're going to put out
that cigarette...
...we're gonna put this fight on hold,
and go have sex.
Fine. What?
Sex! This is the last day I'm ovulating.
If we don't do it...
...we're gonna have to wait
until next month!
You're serious?
-Oh, yeah!
-All right, fine, I'll do it, but no talking!
-And no cuddling.
-And no kissing your neck.
Oh, good! I hate it when you do that!
And lots of kissing your neck!
Okay, well, the super's not home.
But my mother's gonna be here,
and she has the key.
I can't wait that long. You have to do
something. Knock that door down!
I would, but I bruise like a peach.
Besides, you know, everything's
gonna be fine. The baby's sleeping.
-What if she jumps out of the bassinet?
-Can't hold her head up, but jumped.
Oh, my God!
I left the water running!
You did not leave the water running.
Please, pull yourself together, okay?
-Well, did I leave the stove on?
-You haven't cooked since 1996.
Is the window open? If the window's
open a bird could fly in and....
My God, you know what?
I think you're right.
-Listen.
-What? What?
A pigeon. No. No, wait, no.
An eagle flew in!
Landed on the stove and caught fire!
The baby, seeing this, jumps across
the apartment to the mighty bird's aid.
The eagle, however, misconstrues this
as an act of aggression...
...and grabs the baby in its talon.
Meanwhile, the faucet
fills the apartment with water.
Baby and bird, still ablaze,
are locked in a death grip...
...swirling around the whirlpool
that fills the apartment!
Boy, are you gonna be sorry
if that's true.
-Hello.
-Hi.
It's been an hour.
The maitre d' asked if you'd reconsider
switching to a smaller table.
Maybe we should just eat now.
You can't order until the entire
party's arrived. Restaurant policy.
Well, how about this?
Another table leaves, right...
...but there's still some food left
on their plates.
Okay, what's the restaurant's policy
about people eating that?
-It's frowned upon.
-But it happens.
-All right, I got to go to the bathroom.
-You can't go.
No, no, no.
I can't hold this table on my own.
If they ask me to move, I'll cave.
Well, if you ask me to stay, I'll pee.
Good evening, miss.
Miss?
Miss? Miss?
Okay, fine, I'll move. All right.
You don't have to manhandle me.
Where? Okay.
Thank you. Wow.
Finally. You guys made it.
Pheebs, who the hell--?
Spend more time with the tie!
That will make a baby.
Look, I can't do this. I can't make love
to you while we're fighting this way.
Oh, sure. Now you're Mr. Sensitivity.
But when you wanted to have sex
after my uncle's funeral--
That was a