not suggesting we spend
all the money on the wedding?
Yeah.
Look, Mon, I've been saving this money
for six years...
...and I have some of it earmarked
for the future, not just for a party.
Wow! Hello, Mr. Chandler.
Sweetie, this is the most special day
of our lives.
I realize that, honey, but I won't
spend all the money on one party.
Honey, I love you.
But if you call our wedding
a party one more time...
...you may not get invited.
We can always earn more money.
We're only gonna get married once.
I understand, but I have to put
my foot down. The answer is no.
You're gonna have
to put your foot down?
Yes, I am.
Money and a firm hand.
Finally a Chandler
I can get onboard with.
CENTRAL
PERK
- Hey, Rach.
- Joey.
Hey, Rach, do you smell smoke?
I get it. Smoke, chimney,
chimney sweep. Very funny. Ha, ha.
No, no, I'm serious.
You don't smell it?
Something's on fire.
I don't smell anything.
You know what? It's probably
just your burning loins.
- Hey, what are you guys talking about?
- Nothing.
Damn, this coffee's cold.
Do you mind if I heat this
on your loins?
You know, I cannot believe
you told him. Joey... .
I guess you bought that book
after we broke up.
I did, because I wore out my first
copy when I was with you.
Oh, yeah?
Well, when we were going out,
I read tons of porno magazines.
'Sup?
Ross, how could you do that
to an old man?
Excuse me, ladies.
I'm sorry?
My massage client. Arthur.
His daughter said some guy
that worked for me...
...gave him a really weird massage.
I gave him an extremely
professional massage.
He said you poked
at him with wooden spoons.
Okay, so it wasn't
a traditional massage.
But I did give him acupressure
with a pair of chopsticks...
...and I gently exfoliated him
with a mop.
Well, he's never coming back.
You just cost me $80 a week.
This is your fault.
You didn't move his appointment.
Oh, it's my fault?
You didn't have to massage him.
You could've sent him away.
You could've not rolled Tonka trucks
up and down his back.
He said he liked that!
You're right, you're right.
I'm sorry.
Dude, what are you massaging
an old man for?
- His daughter was hot.
- Gotcha.
Listen...
...I've been thinking.
It's not fair of me to ask you to
spend all your money on our wedding.
I mean, you work really hard for that.
- Well.
- Well, you work for that.
Look, I've thought about it too.
I'm sorry. I think we should spend
all the money on the wedding.
- You do?
- Yeah, I'm putting my foot down.
Look, when I proposed,
I told you...
...that I would do anything
to make you happy.
And if having the perfect wedding
makes you happy...
...then that's what we're gonna do.
You are so sweet.
What about the future and stuff?
Forget about the future and stuff.
So we only have two kids.
We'll pick our favorite and
that one will get to go to college.
- Have you thought about that?
- Yeah.
How many kids were we gonna have?
Four. A boy, twin girls
and another boy.
What else did you think about?
Well, stuff like where we'd live,
you know.
Like a small place outside the city...
...where our kids could learn
to ride their bikes.
We could have a cat that had a bell
on its collar...
...and we could hear it every time
it ran through the little kitty door.
We'd have an apartment over the garage
where Joey could grow old.
You know what?
I don't want a big, fancy wedding.
- Sure you do.
- No.
I want everything that you've
just said. I want a marriage.
You sure?
- I love you so much.
- I love you.
When you were talking
about our future, you said cat.
But you meant dog, right?
- Totally.
- Good.
Hello, Zelda.
- Who are you supposed to be?
- The vicar.
- Do you even know what a vicar is?
- Like a goalie, right?
Look, that's enough.
You make stupid jokes
and sleazy innuendoes...
...and it's just not funny anymore.
I'm sorry. Rach, I'm sorry.
Maybe I could make it up to you
by taking you roughly in the