guys.
- Oh, God.
- You got screwed.
- Oh my God!
Oh my God!
I know, I know, I'm such an idiot.
I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week.
I mean, how clean can teeth get?
My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess.
How did you get through it?
Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers,
- say her...
- ...leg?
That's one way! Me, I-
I went for the watch.
You actually broke her watch?
Wow!  The worst thing I ever did was, I-
I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel.
- Ooh, steer clear of you.
- That's right.
Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry...
I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love
with your socks on,
but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju-
Hi, machine cut me off again...
anyway...look, look,
I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky
to become Mrs. Barry Finkel,
but it isn't me, it's not me.
And not that I have any idea who me is right now,
but you just have to give me a chance too...
I'm divorced!
I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!
Shut up!
You must stop!
That only took me an hour.
Look, Ross, you gotta understand,
between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento.
You, however have had the love of a woman for four years.
Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out,
and that is why we don't do it!
I don't think that was my point!
You know what the scariest part is?
What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know?
I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it?
Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
What are you talking about? 'One woman'?
That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you.
Lemme tell you something, Ross.
There's lots of flavors out there.
There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla.
You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream!
This is the best thing that ever happened to you!
You got married, you were, like, what, eight?
Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!
I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
Stay out of my freezer!
Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...
What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?
No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?
Isn't there?
Yeah... yeah, I think there is.
-What were you gonna say?
Well, ever-ev-...
ever since she left me,
um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform.
...Sexually.
- Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry...
- It's okay...
I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now.
- Um... how long?
- Two years.
Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!
So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?
...Yeah. Yeah, I do.
We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles,
Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.
Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi!
That's the difference!
Grab a spoon.
Do you know how long it's been
since I've grabbed a spoon?
Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero'
mean anything to you?
Great story!
But, I uh, I gotta go,
I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea...  Oh man,
Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.
Right.  Thanks.  It's June.  I'm outta here.
Y'know, here's the thing.
Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,...
who am I gonna ask?
Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.
- That is amazing.
- Congratulations.
Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.
If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.
Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something...
Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.
Morning. Good morning.
-