infection?
You might die.
Is that why you wanted me here?
I just wanted you to know I'm losing my leg, doctor...
one way or another.
So your mom tells me you're into baseball.
I was. Who knows if they even have a team where we're going.
Well, they pretty much play baseball everywhere in the country.
That's why they call it the national pastime.
Any allergies, penicillin, other medications?
No, not a thing.
Is it blocked?
Is what blocked?
My deviated septum.
Dr. Sagamore said it was.
He said I wasn't breathing through my nose enough.
I don't understand.
Well... that's why I'm here, right?
I might have to wear strips at night.
What's wrong?
Austin...
do you know what a plastic surgeon is?
Yes. They change how people look.
That's right.
Well, Dr. Sagamore and Dr. McNamara are both plastic surgeons and--
They're gonna change my face?
No. No, I don't want them to do anything to it.
Just little changes so that we can look different.
I don't want to look different!
I don't want you to look different!
I know, sweetie, but we have to do it. This is the only way we can be safe.
- You're a liar!
- Austin. Austin, please.
This is all your fault.
Oh, Dr. Sagamore said not to tell him.
I wish someone had told me.
I should have told him, no matter what Dr. Sagamore said.
I'm his mother. Now there's nobody he can trust.
First the furniture, now the artwork.
It's coming along, don't you think?
Mm.
I went to see Mr. White.
A house call.
Well, when I said research, I meant go online.
I did that, too. B.I.I.D. case studies.
One guy got drunk, laid down on the train tracks,
woke up a double amputee. Somebody else, a guillotine.
Necessity is the mother of invention.
All had the best psychiatric help and meds. Nothing stops the obsession.
Ok, ok, so we go for it.
I mean, it's better they come to us than one of these do-it-yourself methods. Right?
What next? If a guy thinks he's a dog, do we give him a tail?
Look, Chritian, either you're serious about making our practice number one,
or we are not gonna survive.
What's operating on Mr. White got to do with--
For starters, he's willing to pay us $100,000.
That's $70,000 over the asking price.
Why didn't you tell me this?
I am telling you. Now.
You got any more renovations planned...
that'll cost some poor schmuck an arm and a leg?
Hey, at least I've paid my dues, doctor.
You've always been in it for the money.
Or were all those tit jobs your way of giving back to the world?
We're not operating on Mr. White.
Well, you better go break the news to him, then.
Because I've already scheduled it.
Maybe we should have waited until the spa had an actual signature
before marketing a signature product.
Maybe if we gave away samples--
Oh, wait a few weeks.
We're gonna get rid of crates of this stuff
just as soon as our active ingredient stops swimming.
If you're thinking of becoming a motivational speaker-- don't.
I'm just repeating what my friend told me
when I went to pick the stuff up at the sperm bank.
Success is where preparation and opportunity meet.
Oh, please. What do you know about preparation,
miss "I'll design the packaging while you kids mix the yuck with lavender and alcohol."
I'm the only one with marketing experience.
I studied advertising before I went into premed.
Oh, and you've been so successful at both.
You can be a real bitch, you know that?
Excuse me. I'm looking for Julia McNamara?
Uh-huh?
Hi. I'm Joan Rivers.
Yes, of course. I'm a huge fan.
Thank you. But don't think of me as a celebrity.
Think of me as a familiar face that changes every couple of weeks.
I'm here for a procedure, and the tabloids know my usual recovery places,
so I thought I'd check you guys out.
You're thinking about staying here?
Well, my privacy certainly wouldn't be at risk.
Wait a second. McNamara/Troy. Julia McNamara.
You must be the doctor's wife, right?
Uh...e-ex.
Oh, well, good for you.
You're certainly putting your