.on the steps of a police
station in West Bridgeport.
What'd your daddy do?
- He was in the apple crate business.
- No, no.
- That's a joke, right?
- Yeah. He taught fifth grade.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Were you in his class?
- No.
- No?
I don't think I've ever known
an Armenian. I mean, besides you.
How do you know
if someone's Armenian?
Well, you can always tell
an Armenian...
...because his last name rhymes with
the word Armenian.
Armenian!
See that?
A game can go on too long,
you know.
- You wanna go up?
- I could, I suppose.
I think we should. Yeah.
You planning to do it with me?
I have hope in that direction, yes.
Quickie, or are you spending
the night?
Lady's choice.
Up here with me?
My hunch is it's a quickie.
You're sensational, Alice.
Can I help you?
We're just going up to her house
for a quickie.
I beg your pardon?
- You said you lived here.
- No.
- Yes, you did.
- No, I didn't.
- She didn't say she lived here?
- She doesn't live here.
See? I never said I did and I don't.
Listen, he's really insistent.
Would you maybe just let us use
somebody's place for 10, 20 minutes?
Are you kidding me?
- Where do you live?
- 10485th.
- Give me the key.
- What about me?
I don't know. I'm very anxious.
Whoa!
I guess everybody figures:
New York playwright,
sleeps all over the place, right?
- Right. It isn't true?
- It's true, it's true, of course.
It's just that I never feel
at ease, Alice.
I always feel I'm cheating on my wife.
- Even now.
- Really?
She lives with Larry.
How can you feel it's cheating?
I felt that way before I was married.
I mean, I'm never at ease.
Are you at ease?
- In sexual relationships?
- Don't tell me. I don't wanna hear it.
Oh, I don't know.
I don't know. I feel as though every
woman I sleep with over 10 times...
...I have to marry.
- I know about that one.
I mean, that's a problem.
- What do you do? Leave the woman?
- I marry them.
You... Really?
I went over 10 with Estelle, Gloria...
Otherwise, nine. That's my limit.
Ivбn, this is only once for us.
Double or nothing?
- What's the occasion?
- Oh, I've gotta go to a charity ball.
Get my picture taken in front of
Roseland among the beautiful people.
What I will do to sell tickets
for my play.
What do you think? Lggy?
Depends.
If you're singing with a big band and it's
real late, say 2 a. m., it's fine. Perfect.
Yeah, that's funny, Ig. Thank you.
Are you gonna marry this actress you're
sleeping with? This Alice Detroit?
Are you gonna marry her or what?
If I wasn't a major, major playwright,
I'd be a professional ballroom dancer.
There wasn't an orphan in all
Connecticut could out-dance me.
- I haven't done this in 10 years.
- Ballroom dancer. Well, you know what?
If we lived together, we could dance
like this every night.
- Live together?
- Yeah, live together.
- You mean, like, together?
- Together.
- Same house kind of thing.
- My place. I have a huge sublet.
Listen, we don't have to make
a big commitment. We could just try it.
I got kids at home, Alice. You just don't
try out living with kids at home.
I have strong, strong feelings for you.
You know that.
We've slept together many, many times,
way over 10...
...which is a significant thing.
- I've got it!
I could move into your place.
Alice.
Alice, please. Hear me out. Look.
I can't let you move in with me.
I can't. I can't do that to the kids.
I can't do it to myself.
I can't do it to you.
I care for you, Alice, I do.
I care.
But I can't consummate this thing as
though it were a marriage. That's crazy.
Okay?
You can't move in.
It's out of the question.
Oh, Ivan! Would you be careful, please?
That's my favorite chair.
- I mean, it... Ivбn! Oh, Ivan!
- I got it. I got. I got it.
You got it? Oh, God.
- I got it.
- I better help you.
- No, no. I got it. I got it.
You two standing there looking at me.
Are you nuts or what? Come on.
Grab an end of this thing.
- Grab an