on four.
- Keep your step size even.
- My what?
All right, there we go, little buddy. 
I'm gonna fix you up good. 
Any girl that knows how to play a tuba,
she can do things. That's what Stifler says. 
I don't know what it means,
but it's got to be good. 
You're good to go. 
Let's go find Chloe.
Holy shit.
What the hell? Who's doing this?
Take it.
It's okay. 
- Thanks, little creepy machine. 
- You're welcome...
beautiful lady. 
With my right, with my right,
but I can also do it with my left, with my left.
Bootie.
Good game.
You just touched my bootie.
- What's that?
- Your instrument.
That's fucking gay.
- I mean lame.
- Good.
Now, there are two positions.
Carrying position, like this,
and playing position, like this.
Now when I call, "horns up"...
you're gonna move your instrument out,
and then...
Hello, losers.
Matt. Oh, my God. Matt, I am so sorry.
- I think I bit a hole in my tongue.
- Oh, let me see.
No, no hole.
On today's...
episode wasting time on lost causes.
Speaking of which, I understand you
composed the music to your show, Elyse...
if you call that music.
Yeah. That's right. I did.
And who'd your daddy hire
to compose yours?
I'm just giving you fair warning, cupcake.
Robards Scholarship is mine.
Like you need it.
It's not a matter of need.
It's a matter of want.
- Yeah, I get what I want.
- Why don't you shut the fuck up?
Matt, don't.
- What are you going to do?
- Kick your ass.
- Are you challenging me?
- No.
- Yeah, what if I am?
- No, Brandon, that is not what he's doing.
I accept. Amphitheatre, 5:00.
It's been three years
since I've been challenged.
We got a challenge.
I look forward to reminding people why.
East Great Falls.
I'll see you there, asshole.
- Do you know what you just did?
- Doesn't matter. He's going down.
Matt, you challenged him to a duel.
With swords?
No, you idiot.
You each get on stage and perform.
And the crowd decides who wins.
Can't we just do keg stands?
Matt, this is serious, okay?
Beechwood gets five points if he wins...
which, you know, he will
because he plays an instrument.
Well, so do I.
Let the Tall Oaks
Battle Royale begin. 
The prize is five points towards the cup. 
Okay, Brandon, you're up first.
Come on!
Suck on that, bitch.
Lame.
This is so embarrassing.
Okay, Brandon. 
Now you show him, Brandon.
Take that!
Well, seems this contest is over. 
Figures. We just lost five points.
And the winner by forfeit is... 
But I know it's not his fault...
You don't know the words.
He should shave that.
East Great Falls!
East Great Falls!
East Great Falls!
East Great Falls!
Okay, five points to Great Falls. 
All right, Great Falls!
East Great Falls!
East Great Falls!
East Great Falls!
East Great Falls!
Hey, hey...
- Hey.
- What?
- Are you really Scottish?
- Fuck, no.
My mum made me learn an instrument.
That's the most annoying one
I could think of.
I think you were just born
to squeeze sacks and blow pipes, Stifler.
Hey, Oscar.
How many other Oscars
do you know? Go!
- What's up?
- Your drum line sounds pretty tight.
Oh, thanks.
You let me know
if you want to learn some new moves.
Really?
- He's gonna screw it up.
- He's definitely gonna screw it up.
- Thanks for winning those points back.
- I lost them. I had to get them back.
Hey, guys,
Sheree's gonna show me some moves.
Hey, gang... 
just a little reminder that as the battle
for the cup heats up, let's try to remember...
to keep up that Tall Oaks spirit of fair play
and friendly competition. 
We'll have enough spit for a six-pack.
- Yeah, baby, you did me proud, son.
- Thanks, J. Lo.
It's cool. Big O?
Quite a little show you put on
yesterday, Stifler.
You know,
these plebes think you're some kind of hero.
I don't know what a plebe is, Vande-creep.
Didn't