if I was trapped
in the trunk of a car...
and suddenly the trunk flipped open...
and there you were rescuing me.
- So weird.
- Sounds crazy.
Oh, I know it sounds
unbelievable, but...
somehow you're always there
to hold me...
like you are right now.
I felt so safe and so warm.
I'm sorry, I was such a sleepy-head tonight.
- You must have been so bored.
- No, don't be silly.
Tonight for me was
like non-stop action.
- When can we go out again?
- Honestly, Mercedes,
tonight might be the last night
anybody ever sees me alive.
Why? What happened?
It's a long complicated story.
You don't want to hear about it.
Does it have a happy ending?
Uh-huh, has so far.
Hopefully one day I'll get
to tell you how it ends.
I'll be here.
Bye.
- Ow!
- The baby?
No, the laces are too tight.
- Okay...
- Robert!
Honey?
Oh wait, let me get my jacket.
- Where's my jacket?
- Okay, okay.
- Okay.
- Oh, I forgot the bag.
It's okay. I'm gonna wait here.
- Okay.
- Okay, calm down, honey.
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Ow! Another one.
- Oh no. Okay.
Okay. Yeah. Put your arm on me.
Oh, man.
Here we go.
- Uh-oh.
- What? What?
- What?
- Gosh, I'm fine.
- Sorry, I'm fine now.
- What do you mean, you're fine?
I think it was air bubbles
from the pickle or something.
Are you sure?
I mean, the car's right here.
I'm sorry. I'm fine.
Why is the garage door open?
Natalie probably left it open.
No, honey, Natalie took the audi.
- Where the hell is the audi?
- Ow.
Robert!
- What the...
- Robert!
Honey, keep breathing!
Something wrong with your bed, Les?
Mind explaining what size
shark was responsible for this?
- Well...
- No, I don't want to know!
I don't want to know.
Save it for the judge.
Do you have any idea what
you've done tonight, Les?
What this means to your future...
in this house and on this planet?
- I have an idea.
- No, you can't possibly!
You can't even begin to imagine!
We had a college fund set aside for you.
That's gone now.
You had free room and board,
two trusting parents and a social life.
It's all gone.
You had a tv, a stereo, a baseball mitt,
a tennis racket, a skateboard,
a bicycle... all gone!
You even had sunlight
and a window in your room.
Robert!
Let me tell you something, buddy boy,
you are damn lucky your mother
didn't go into labor tonight.
Robby, I'am in labor!
Damn lucky! What?
Honey, you okay?
- How far apart are the contractions?
- I don't know.
You don't know?
Is it one minute, two minutes?
- How close?
- Too close.
No handle!
No handle. No handle.
Okay, honey, we'll be in
a hospital in a minute.
- Sit down. Watch your head.
- Oh Robert.
- Come in the backseat with me.
- No, I can't.
- I have to drive.
- Les can drive.
What? Les who? Not that Les.
No, he stays here. Rudy, you drive.
- Rudy, get in the car!
- Dad?
Dad, let me drive.
I can do it, dad.
Robert, please stay with me.
I need you.
- Dad?
- Okay, you drive.
But try and do it like
you have a license!
Let me open the door!
It smells like puke in here!
Shut up, Rudy.
- What are you doing?
- Sorry, it's a red light.
Are you crazy? There isn't car in sight.
We're rushing your mother to the
hospital, not to a bridge game!
Come on, go through it. Go through it.
What are you doing? Come on!
I'm pushing the gas. It ain't moving.
Sounds like the transmission.
Try another gear.
- Come on, try low.
- Mom?
Don't worry, I'm just having a baby.
- What was that?
- Reverse works, dad.
Honey?
Let him drive backwards.
Let him drive sideways, I don't care.
Just get me there!
All right.
- But be careful.
- I will.
- The baby?
- No, the golf clubs.
Oh, okay.
Go right! No, left!
No, go right! No!
What are you doing?
Get off the sidewalk!
Okay, that's it. I'm driving. Pull over.
- Look out!
- Hold it!
What are you doing?
Les, you're going the wrong way!
Look out! Where'd you
people learn to drive?
Okay, we're good.
Ha ha!
Ow! God!