that's not the point.
Meanwhile, we'll send the Professor's
certificate to the militia...
...and you will get your document.
Do you happen to have a spare room in
the house? I'd be prepared to pay for it.
No, Professor, I deeply
regret we don't.
And aren't likely to have any.
I swear, Doctor, that I'm more exhausted
following the past fortnight than
from the past fourteen years!
- Top, thief!
- Let it go.
A cat! I'll strangle the bastard! Op!
How many times have I ordered there
should be no cats. Where is it now?
There he is, in the bathroom,
the devil.
Ivan Arnoldovitch, please reassure
the patients. Open up this instant!
- I'll get you!
- There it is. The cat's here.
Come out at once! Why have
you locked yourself in?
What on earth... I can't hear
a thing - turn the water off.
- Turn the water off!
- Turn the water off, you idiot!
- What's he done? I don't understand.
- There he is.
Have you gone out of your mind?
Why don't you come out of there?
- I've locked myself in.
- Unlock the door then.
- Haven't you ever seen a lock before?
- The goddamned thing won't open!
- There's a small button on the lock.
- A small button.
- Press it downward.
- Down.
Press it down! Down.
I can't see my paw before my face!
- Well turn the light on, then!
He's gone crazy! - A dog.
That goddamned cat smashed the bulb...
...and when I tried to catch the bastard
by the legs, I wrenched out the tap,
and now I can't find it!
Oh Lord Jesus Christ
have mercy on us.
What do you want?
I've come from Pskov, a pilgrim.
I've come to see the talking dog.
- Out, out of the kitchen.
- He's from Pskov...
Get out.
Darya Petrovna, I've
asked you before...
But Philip Philipovich, People
keep coming in all day long!
- Quick, Fyodor!
- Just a moment, I'll get the lamp.
- Fyodor, quick!
- Coming, coming.
Fyodor, what is it?
Philip Philipovich, we'll have
to open the door.
We must let the water run out.
We can mop it up from the kitchen.
Open it, then!
Dear God.
- I only just managed to get the tap
back in. The pressure is so strong.
- Where is he?
Over there. He's afraid to come out.
Will you beat me, Dad?
Idiot.
What d'you think you're doing, you fool,
spreading it all over the flat!
Pour it into the bowl.
The bowl is no use, the water's
running out the front door.
Oh what a fool.
There will be no reception today. There'
an emergency, we have a burst pipe...
No, no, it can't be done today.
No way.
Zina, Zina, mop up here! The water will
start running down the front stairs
any minute now. Hurry up.
- I'll do it.
- I'll scoop it up with jugs.
Yes, all right... Nothing can be done
today. No, tomorrow, some other day.
Ivan Arnoldovitch come into the bedroom.
I'll give you a pair of my shoes.
Don't bother, Philip Philipovich,
I'm all right.
Oh God.
- Then put on the galoshes. - It doesn't
matter. My feet are wet anyway...
Oh dear me.
- What a nasty animal! - Whom
are you talking about, may I inquire?
I am talking about the cat.
Filthy swine.
I swear I have never seen a more
brazen creature than you.
How much longer are you going
to chase cats? You're a barbarian.
I am no barbarian? Not in the least.
I won't stand that brute in this flat!
It stole Darya's mincemeat.
I wanted to teach it a lesson.
It's you who needs a lesson! Just take
a look at your face in the mirror.
Nearly scratched my eyes out.
The slut.
Philip Philipovich. I'm sorry,
I wouldn't like to mention it
but the windowpane in Number even...
Citizen Sharikov threw stones at it.
- You mean at a cat? - Not quite, he was
throwing them at the owner of the flat.
Sharikov was cuddling their cook,
and they chased him out...
...They had a fight.
- How much?
- One and a half.
Fancy paying one and a half roubles
for such a filthy swine. He himself...
Don't you dare!
Please, Philip Philipovich,
don't upset yourself.
Where d'you think you are?
In a pub? Top that at once!
That's it,