person
is the one who's afraid of his own shadow.
- What is that supposed to mean?
- I'll tell you.
It means that if you take
too much of that stuff...
...you not only start seeing
bugs all over...
...but you start talking like... and
no one can understand you.
What'd you say, Barris?
I didn't understand.
See, you guys are fucked up.
No, no, it is y-uck-uck-ou
that are fuck-ucked-ed up.
Hey, go Freck yourself.
Don't take the car, you'll kill yourself.
So this guy's been going around claiming
to be a world-famous impostor, right?
Says he's posed, at one time or another,
as a surgeon at John Hopkins...
...as a theoretical,
submolecular, high-velocity...
...particle-research physicist
on a federal grant at Harvard...
...as a Finnish novelist
who won the Nobel Prize for literature...
...as a deposed Argentinean president...
...who was married to a go-go dancer
from Chicago--
He got away with all that?
- He never got caught?
- Okay, you broke my flow...
...so now I guess I'll just have
to segue down to the near.
That's just it.
You see, he didn't pose as any of those.
He just posed as
a world-famous impostor. Yeah.
It came out later in the L.A. Times.
They checked up, and he was pushing
a broom at Disneyland or something.
He saw that old DiCaprio movie.
You know, the one where
he plays a world-famous impostor...
...before Leonardo hit his Elvis stage.
And his first thought was:
"Hey, I could pose as all those exotic guys
and get away with it."
But then, his next thought was,
"Hell, why bother?
I could just pose as an impostor,
and it'd be a lot easier."
They say that he made more money
than the actual impostor...
...although I'm not sure
if they'd adjust for inflation.
Well, you know,
we all see impostors now and then...
...but not posing
as subatomic physicists.
Oh, as a narc, you mean.
What's a narc look like?
That's like asking,
"What's an impostor look like?"
I talked to this dealer
who'd been busted.
I asked him what the narc
who busted him looked like.
What did he say, he looked just like us?
More so.
So I guess the moral of that is...
...stay away from guys
looking the same as us.
Well, there are female narcs.
Oh, hey, I'd like to meet one of those.
No, I don't mean a female. I mean
just the narc, knowingly, like, positive.
Sure. So you could positively know.
And you will.
When he slaps the cuffs on,
you'll know for sure, when that day comes.
How could a guy do that?
Pose as a narc?
- What?
- What?
Pose as a narc?
- No, you said it. So yeah.
- Pose as a narc.
Oh, sh-- Shit, I'm spaced.
Pose as a narc, wow.
Pose as a narc.
My brains are scrambled today.
Christ, Barris, what the fuck?
Yes, hi. How are you?
I have something
somewhat emergent to report.
I don't know if I should be summoning
the inhalator squad...
...or the resuscitation squad.
Yes, ma'am?
I don't know. I don't want to say
it's not cardiac arrest...
...but it's either that or an involuntary
asphyxiation of a bolus within the--
The address, yes.
The address is simple...
...although I've never sent myself
a piece of mail here.
Seven-- Seven-- Seven-zero-niner.
Street? Is the street relevant?
- Come on.
- Tell you this much, it is a cul-de-sac.
Does that technically qualify as a street?
I'm pleased to report we won't be needing
your assistance after all.
Thank you. Have a nice day.
There you go. Took care of itself.
- Okay.
- Oh, Jesus.
You all right? There you go.
I must've passed out.
- 

------------------------------
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