porn.
God, I forgot how much I love driving.
I have got to get my license renewed.
You don't have a valid driver's
license? Pull over right now.
You're so tense.
You just gotta relax, okay?
Okay? Just need to relax. All right?
Just need to relax.
What are you...? That's not funny.
Stop horsing around.
I am not horsing around, okay?
I am "Porsche-ing" around.
Uh-oh.
Stay calm. Nothing will happen.
You're not in that much trouble.
Really? You think so?
I'm talking to myself.
You're going down!
Has someone taken your order?
Oh, yeah. She did. He did. She?
I'm sorry, I'm new. I don't... .
- I just ordered a beer.
- You're straight. I get it.
If we called your dad,
we'd have better seats.
I don't want him to know we're
here yet. I'm not ready.
He won't be too happy
to see me either.
Why not?
He's kind of tried to contact me...
...a lot the last few years.
- What?
Yeah. He's made phone calls,
written letters.
He came to New York.
I said I was too busy.
It's very "Cats in the Cradle. "
I don't want to get into it.
Here we go.
Ladies and gentlemen, 
welcome the incomparable... 
... Helena Handbasket. 
Hello, darlings.
And there's Daddy.
Switch places with me. Come on!
I'll go under, you go over.
- Yeah, I'll get right on that.
- Come on!
What? No. Hey, Rach, come on.
I'm sure we won't get arrested
for this.
Hi, officer.
Was I going a little too fast?
Oh, my God.
- Can I see your license, please?
- Absolutely.
It's weird. I had a dream last night
that I was stopped by a policeman.
And then he... .
Well, I probably shouldn't
tell you the rest.
- Your license.
- Yes. Here you go, Officer...
...Handsome.
- It's Hanson.
- Oops, sorry. My mistake.
Dear Lord!
- Wow!
- Here it comes.
This is a great picture.
Really? You think so? You know,
I had just rolled right out of bed.
You look phenomenal.
She should!
It was taken 10 years ago!
You know, you probably...
...wonder about the old date.
Yes. You're an Aquarius, huh?
- I'll bet you're a Gemini.
- No.
- Taurus?
- No.
- Virgo?
- No.
- Sagittarius?
- Yep.
I knew it. I knew it!
You won't speed anymore, right?
I won't speed.
- Promise to take care of this?
- I promise.
Let him drive.
Does he have a license?
- Can he handle a stick?
- Well... .
I can handle a stick!
- That can't be your father.
- I've been saying that for years.
- Oh, my God!
- What?
That's Mr. Garibaldi
playing the piano.
Hello, and welcome to the show.
I see some of our regulars
in the audience.
And a couple of irregulars.
- He's coming into the audience.
- Relax. You'll be fine.
Oh, much better.
You're invisible now.
- Where are you from?
- Bakersfield.
- I'm sorry?
- Bakersfield.
No, no, I heard. I'm just sorry.
I'll meet you back at the hotel.
Look, a standing ovation already.
So early in the show.
Turn around, darling.
Let me see your pretty face.
Can we have our drinks, please?
Waiter? ...tress?
- Hey, Pheebs.
- Hey.
Check it out.
How much of a man am I?
Wow, nice.
Manly, and also kind of a slut.
I'm beginning to see what Jake
was talking about.
The silk feels really good.
And things aren't as smashed down
as I thought they would be.
That's great.
You have so many more choices
than with men's underwear.
Bikini, French cut, thong.
And the fabrics: cotton, silk, lace.
You know what I've always
wondered about? Pantyhose!
The way they start at your toe,
then they go all the way up to...
- I should go take these off.
- I think it's important you do.
What's your name?
Chandler.
Chandler?
What an unusual name.
You must have had terribly
fascinating parents.
Oh, they're a hoot.
And who is your friend?
I'm Monica.
- Monica. Where are you from?
- New York.
I'm not very fond of New York.
Queens, I like.
What is this...
...sparkling something, honey, huh?
Actually, Monica and I are engaged.
Really?
Congratulations.
When's the big day?
In two weeks.
I