ought not to be lynched
without special necessity.
You must be more hospitable.
Come on, I'll explain it to you right away.
A remarkable thing. This morning
we weren't even acquainted...
...but now we feel as if
we have known him for 10 years.
According to the laws of hospitality!
That's how it should've been done in the first place!
This zwieback is removed by one step
from a grinding stone.
And this step has already been taken.
Come to our polytechnicum!
You'll get a stipend of 75 rubles.
You'll live like a god!
We have a table with stewed fruits every day.
I've already graduated from a liberal art school.
What are you doing now?
- Work along what line?
- Along the financial line.
Accountant?
Cash messenger?
Bank clerk?
No, Raya, I have no job.
I'm a millionaire.
- How many millions have you?
- One.
Not much! Not much!
It's enough for me.
Wow!
Everything is in place.
There's ten thousand in every package.
One million minus some change.
Great!
That's how it is, Sasha.
I live like a god, or like a demi-god,
which, after all, is the same thing.
- How much do we owe for the tea?
- Forget it, dude. Who counts.
How many did we drink, comrades?
We'll have to ask the train porter.
I'll go check our luggage.
I also have to check my stuff.
When did they all run to?
- Why did you devils suddenly become sad?
- Help me from here!
Where are you going?
Suppose we sing something solid.
I have a marvelous Volga bass!
- Where did they all run to?
- Indeed, I have to find out.
Wait. I was joking!
I'm a worker!
I'm the director of a symphonic orchestra!
Believe me! I'm the son of Lieutenant Schmidt!
My farther is a Turkish subject...
I have deceived you, Adam.
I cannot present you with
an "Isotta-Fraschini", nor a "Lincoln",..
...not even a "Buick".
The government does not regard me as a purchaser.
They want to know how I earned the money.
The only thing I can do is to buy you
a bit of trash like our 'Antelope'.
My "Lauren-Dietrich" is a good machine.
If I could only have a used oil pipe...
I have brought you the pipe.
And some other auto-junk.
With this I wouldn't need any "Buicks".
Do you know, Adam, here's a bit of news.
A column of air, weighing 214 kilos,..
...presses upon every citizen,
even party members.
- No, But why?
- How why? It's a scientific, medical fact.
And recently I have found it extremely oppressive.
Think of it! 214 kilos!
24 hours a day, and especially at night.
I don't sleep well.
What?
Nothing. I'm listening.
I feel very bad.
Nobody loves me,
like Panikovsky used to say.
By the way, let's honor his memory by rising.
Let's drive.
Let's drive.
Drive where?
Wherever.
Yesterday in the street an old woman stopped me...
...and asked me to buy an everlasting wick
for a primus stove. I didn't buy it.
I don't need an everlasting wick!
I don't want to live forever.
I want to die.
I have all the banal symptoms of being in love:
absence of appetite, sleeplessness,
and maniacal urge to compose verse.
Listen to what I wrote last night...
...by the guttering light of an electric lamp:
 I recollect a wondrous instant;
and you appeared before me then,
beloved, like a passing shadow,
like the spirit of pure beauty.
Good, isn't it?
Talented!
And only a dawn did I remember that
this verse had already been written by A.Pushkin
Such a blow delivered by the classic!
Have you called on her... on Zosya Viktorovna?
I shan't go.
I am proud and modest.
I sent her 350 rubles worth of telegrams
from different cities of the country...
...and did not receive even
a half ruble's worth of reply.
i did it! I! With whom
housewives, houseworkers, widows...
...and even a woman dentist,
have fallen in love!
No, Adam, I will not go! Good-by.
Where are you going?
Do you need a ride?
Wrap it.
Thanks.
[To the People's Commissar of Finance. Valuable.]
Zosya...
I have arrived:
it is impossible to brush this fact