interesting.
Yes, very interesting.
Did you like it?
- It's unusual.
- Mm-hm, very unusual.
Oh, I don't think they liked it.
What do you think?
I don't know about the audiences, but
I think it's the best work you've ever done.
You son of a bitch.
Jesus Christ! Sex, sex, sex - can't he
ever think of anything else but sex?
That's his sickness.
Nah, nothin' I ever do is good enough.
It's not beautiful enough, it's not
funny enough, it's not deep enough...
It's not anything enough.
Now, when I see a rose, that's perfect.
I mean, that's perfect. I wanna look up to God
and say "How the hell did you do that?"
- "And why the hell can't I do that?"
- That's probably one ofyour better con lines.
Yeah, it is. But that
doesn't mean I don't mean it.
Ifl were God...
Sometimes I thinklam...
Depends on the shityou're smoking...
Ifl were God, man,
everybody wouldlive for ever.
No death, man. No pennies
on the eyes foranybody.
You know, man, death
is reallya hip thing now.
Death is in.
Books, magazine articles, TVshows, Ken
andBarbie dolls with a mutualsuicide pact...
Buried them in a little shoebox.
Knewa guy who boughta pair ofthem.
He was into dollnecrophilia.
Ifit cuts...
- All right, little thing. Oooh!
- It's terrific.
There's a lady in Chicago, man,
wrote a book. DrKьbler-Ross, with a dash.
This chick, man, without
the benefit ofdying herself,
has broken the process
ofdeath into five stages.
Anger, denial, bargaining,
depression andacceptance.
- That's it.
- Sounds like a Jewish lawfirm.
- Got time to make some changes?
- Not and make the screening tonight, no.
- I cannot believe people are gonna see this.
- Neither can l.
- It's a bomb.
- Really?
Yeah, really. You'll have to make a speech.
Tell 'em it's a rough cut, we're not finished...
- Tell 'em any excuse you can think of.
- Why don't you tell 'em?
- I'm not gonna be there.
- You're not coming? Where you gonna be?
Hiding someplace, probably
vomiting, or drinking, or both.
We'll start recutting Monday morning.
They bought that love story?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I wasn't answering the phone.
I thinkthey told me they liked it.
Just wasn't answering the phone...
Come on, don't bullshit a bullshitter.
No, I don't believe you either.
I'll have her home by 10.30, don't worry. Bye.
Oh, shit.
Hello. Stacy? Oh, listen,
I'm sorry. I'm in a meeting.
Just don't panic on the staircase.
At least three people said
how much they liked the screening.
One was my producer, one was
my lawyer and one was Michelle's mother.
Oh, Joe, everybody loved it. We tried to
tell you that last night. You wouldn't listen.
You know, that was the first R-rated
movie I ever saw, and I loved it.
- Did you understand it?
- Well, I understood everything
except the part where the two girls
were in bed together and they were kissing.
What was that supposed to mean?
- Is dinner ready yet?
- No.
- What was that supposed to mean?
- Well, Michelle, uh,
there are certain women who...
- Who...?
- Thanks a lot.
There are certain women
who just don't relate to men, so they...
I think lesbian scenes are a big turn-off.
I shoulda cut it.
- What's goin' on here?
- Never mind. You'll find out.
- Couldn't I be doin' somethin'?
- Just turn offthe lights when we tell you.
- Turn on the phonograph when we tell you.
- Yes, ma'am.
Oh, no, don't...
- Where'd you get those hats?
- Not tellin' ya.
That's for us to know and for you to find out.
- Oh, the lights, lights, lights.
- Joe, could you turn offthe lights, please?
Now turn on those whachamacallit lights.
Yes, ma'am.
Crash!
Ladies and gentlemen, in honour
of EI Stinko, EI Blotto's screening
ofJoe Gideon's new film, The Stand-up,
we are proud to present those two
dancing sensations Jagger and Gideon!
- Gideon and Jagger.
- Gideon and Jagger.
Give us our music, Joe.
In an under-rehearsed tribute.
- Sit down, Joe, sit down.
- Sit down, Daddy.
And... go!
- I'm nervous.
- I'm