Water!
Real cute, Scott.
Hey hey hey,
knock it off, you uncured hams.
- Get your poker out there, Sean.
- You want to fight?
Take two coming up.
( laughing )
Sean doesn't have much
of a sense of humor.
That's because what you did
was not funny.
And I suppose
what he did was?
No. Actually you're both
behaving like children.
If you think it's impressing me,
you couldn't be more wrong.
( screaming )
No! No!
Oh, no!
Cleopatra.
( speaking Greek )
Hey, don't forget
you're spoken for, son.
Have you ever been in love
with two women at once?
Not in this incarnation.
Hell yes, several times.
I just never let my left ball
know what my right ball's doing.
So we're juggling lovelies,
are we, Scotty?
I don't know what to do.
Move to Saudi Arabia.
It's legal there.
But liquid libations are not.
Well, that would
be hell, wouldn't it?
Stuck in a desert with two women
and no liquor.
( laughs )
Okay, so the casting dude says,
"I'm sorry, but we're looking
for the Robert Redford type."
And I say, "Dude, that's incredible.
He's my father.
In fact, that's where
I got my blond hair."
I love your hair.
It's so spiky.
Do American girls
like spiky hair?
Hell yeah. I mean, spiky hair
and earrings-- serious turn-ons.
- I'll drink to that.
- All right!
Hey, baby, two bottles
of Dom Perignon
and a funnel right away,
huh?
And why don't we plan on
getting together later on?
We close at midnight,
and I do the dishes.
Would you rather do the dishes
or do me?
The dishes.
Less grease.
Where the hell do you
find these guys, Logan?
They look like a gaggle
of pussycats.
I mean, would you really be frightened
if this guy kidnapped your wife?
Oh yeah, I'd be frightened
for him, poor bastard.
Couple of nights with Lana
would drive a guy bananas
or turn him into some other
kind of fruit.
I'm serious, dickbrain.
The role of
the kidnapper is critical.
We've gotta find someone
who looks real.
Real?
Oh, you want real?
Well, you're gonna get real.
Could you come over here,
please, Dmitri?
( speaks Greek )
Both: Ooh!
Darling, you're not going to
believe the bargains I got.
Everything in the whole
marketplace was on sale.
And you bought it all.
You know, the thing I just love
about shopping here
is the money just
doesn't look real.
You can just spend and spend
and spend and it's like confetti.
Oh, somewhere here
I've got something for you.
The bill.
Here it is, darling. I ran into Sean
and he helped me pick it out.
Hi, Sean.
It's one of a kind.
What do you think?
Certainly is one of a kind.
Yeah, not many people know how
to make them babies.
- Sean helped pick that out?
- Mm-hmm.
I'll have to find a unique way
of thanking him.
You don't like it, do you?
You hate it.
I can tell.
It's beautiful.
- I love it to death.
- Let me tell you something, bucko.
You know, it's not easy being stuck
over here with nothing to do all day.
I'd go crazy if I couldn't go out
and do a little shopping now and then.
Morgan, it's just that
you're going through our money
faster than I can make it.
And I suppose my sanity
is only worth $50 a week.
Or maybe $75.
- ( men laughing )
- Good old Morgan,
just-- just lock her up
in the hotel room
and throw away her credit cards.
Is that it?
Well, I don't have to take
that kind of abuse from anybody.
You know, I-- I'll wire
Daddy for money if I have to.
He knows how delicate
and sensitive I am.
Here, take your gold card
and shove it up your wallet.
- I'll survive somehow.
- Morgan.
Son, I got a feeling she's blown
the tires off your credit card.
Next time, better leave
home without it.
( dance music playing )
# Music playing in my head #
# And it just won't let me be #
# I got things
I want to do instead #
# I got the moves, set them free #
# Flashing in the dark... #
- Hey, wait a minute.
- Hold it, blondie. Hold it.
Hey, blondie, you want blood
all over that white suit?
Be a good doggie, huh?