were rear-ended.
Oh. And you didn't have
any insurance?
No, that's not exactly
what I mean. I mean-
Oh.
Look, take last night.
You know what the radio was
playing while we were making love?
No. "If l Knew You Were
Coming, I'd Have Baked A Cake."
So? So that's gonna be our song.
Is it?
No.
I mean, other people would have gotten
"Be My Love" or "Some Enchanted Evening."
Me, I get "If l Knew You Were
Coming, I'd Have Baked A Cake."
What is it?
I really want to
take a bath now.
Oh, I'm so-
Oh, I see. I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Yeah. Okay. Oh, sure. I'll-
I'll wait out- I'll be out-
Wow!
We're in big trouble, Doris. Huh?
I really think I've
fallen in love with you.
- You wanna know what kind of luck I have?
- Yeah.
I'm happily married!
Are you Jewish?
No.
Then how come you feel so
guilty? Don’t you feel guilty?
You kidding? Half my
high school became nuns.
I guess the Catholics have
rules about this sort of thing.
Oh, yeah, we have rules
about everything.
That's what's so great
about being Catholic.
You always know
where you stand.
I tell you, Doris, I feel
like slitting my wrists.
- Are you Italian?
- What's with you and nationalities?
Nothing.
You’re just so emotional.
I happen to be a C.P.A.
Oh?
I could be as logical
as the next person. Oh.
Well, you don't strike me
as the accountant type.
It's very simple. My whole
life has been a mess.
Figures always
come out right.
What are you?
Oh, I'm Irish.
Well, they're emotional. Why aren’t you
yelling or crying or something?
I did all of that before
in the bathroom.
Crying?
Nope. Yelling.
I didn't hear you. I
stuffed a towel in my mouth.
I'm sorry.
It's all right.
No sense crying
over spilt milk.
Yeah, you're right.
How come we feel
so terrible?
Because we're two decent, honest people,
and this thing is tearing us apart.
I mean, I know it wasn't our fault, but I-
I keep seeing the faces of my children
and the look of betrayal in their eyes.
I keep thinking
about my marriage vows,
the trust my wife
has placed in me...
and all the experiences
we've shared together.
And you know
the worst part of it all?
What?
While I'm thinking
all this,
I have this fantastic
hard-on.
I really wish
you hadn't said that.
I'm sorry. I think we should be
totally honest with each other.
It's not that. It's that
I have to go to confession.
You know-
W-We're both crazy.
You know that, don't you?
I mean, this sort of thing happens
every day to millions of people.
You don't use actual names
in confession, do you? No.
Doris, may I
ask you something?
Sure.
Would you go to bed
with me again?
Oh, George, I can't.
Why not? 'Cause we'd just
feel worse afterwards.
Oh, no. I'm over that now.
I just remembered something.
What? The Russians have the bomb.
We could all be dead
tomorrow.
George, I think you're clutching at straws.
Doris, don’t you understand? No.
We're two
grown-up people.
We have absolutely nothing
to be ashamed or afraid of.
Oh, my God Oh, my God!
Oh, my God Oh, my God!
What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?
Uh- Coming!
My hat. My bag.
What?
My hat My bag!
Be right there.
Wait a minute! Wait a
minute! Where are you going?
Okay.
- Don't go in the bathroom.
- Why not?
That's the first place
they'd look.
Oh!
Oh, hello. Oh, good morning, Mr. Peters.
- I've got your breakfast. Did you have a good night?
- Yes. Fine, fine.
Uh, y-you know, I think
I heard an owl out here.
I'm a C.P.A. When you work hard all year,
it's great to get back to nature.
I really loved it.
That's right.
Well, thank you, Mr.
Chalmers. You're welcome.
Have a nice day, now.
Thank you. You too.
- Enjoy the view.
- Yes, I will. I'll just wander around by myself.
Doris?
Doris?
Have you got
a woman in there?
It's okay. It was old Mr.
Chalmers with my breakfast.
I was very calm. He didn't suspect a
thing. He didn't ask about the girdle.
- What?
- Girdle.
Oh, great!
Now he