way, you can yank him back
whenever he does something wrong.
Here you go.
Make him sit.
Sit.
Poke him down.
- He doesn't take you seriously.
- I know that.
Years ago, I saw this ad in the paper:
Make extra money in your off-hours.
A dog-training firm
that went to people's houses.
Doggie Do, it was called.
Don't you just hate that name?
Who's the lady?
Lady?
I saw a lady walking
through the kitchen.
Oh, that's Rose.
- Is she your ex-wife, or what?
- She's my sister.
Your sister.
This house belongs to her.
I don't live with anybody either.
You can release him now.
Pardon?
Release your dog.
What do you do for a living?
I write.
- Travel guidebooks.
- Travel guides!
Lucky. I love to travel.
Oh, travel.
It's just red tape, mostly.
Ticket lines, customs lines.
Should Edward be barking that way?
If I could go anywhere,
I'd go to Paris.
It sounds so romantic.
Paris, actually, is terrible.
Everybody's impolite.
Take me with you next time.
I could show you the good parts.
I have a very limited expense account.
I never even took my wife.
My wife.
I was only teasing.
You think I meant it?
Oh, no.
That'll be $ 14.40, including
the leash and the choke chain.
You have to practice what he's learned.
No one else can practice for you.
You can pay me the other
4 cents tomorrow.
Sit.
Are you absolutely clear about this?
Yes. I know exactly where we are.
I have the address right here.
- Now, I'll be back in one half hour.
- Are you sure?
Macon, please. I'm just going
around the corner. Now, goodbye.
The Accidental Tourist on Crutches.
I guess I'll be going.
My sister's picking me up.
Rose? She's coming here?
I'd like to see her.
Macon, do me a favour.
Couldn't you invite me
to a family dinner?
Well, we're really not much
for socializing.
Wouldn't have to be anything fancy,
just whatever you eat normally.
What do you eat, normally?
Or I'll bring the meaI myself.
You could lock up your dog
and I'll come spend the evening.
We'll see.
Whenever my dad said that,
it meant no.
When I was in high schooI,
I made nothing but A's.
You're surprised at that, aren't you?
Now, this is the heeI command.
You think I'm kind of,
like, not an intellect.
- I know you're surprised.
- No, I'm not.
Now, he's supposed
to match his pace to anything I do.
Slow, fast, anything.
Sit!
HeeI!
Good.
I think he's got the hang of it.
Now you.
Yank that leash!
He knows what he's supposed to do.
Good. Don't forget to cluck. Every
little minute you have to praise him.
Pick up that slack!
Cluck!
This is a bit more difficult
with crutches.
I once taught a man who had no legs
and only one arm.
- And he had a Great Dane.
- Really?
You're not in such bad shape.
I have to get going.
That'll be $5, please.
Plus the 4 cents
you owe me from yesterday.
Next time I'll stay longer and talk.
That's a promise.
It is an unfortunate fact that even
the most conscientious traveller...
...cannot be prepared
for every encounter.
At such times,
one must remain calm...
...and rely upon one's
innate common sense.
- Hello, Rose.
- Hello, Julian.
Come in.
I've brought some materials
for Macon.
- Do I hear that dog?
- Yes, he's in the back yard.
Hello, Julian.
Hi, guys.
- Hope I'm not interfering with supper.
- No, no.
- We're finished.
- Really?
What time do you eat, anyhow?
We haven't had our coffee.
Wouldn't you like some coffee?
I'd love some.
Well, that seems a little silly,
if you haven't eaten.
For me, home-brewed coffee's
a reaI treat.
Everybody in my apartment
building eats out.
There's nothing in their kitchens...
...but a couple of cans of soda
and some peanuts.
- What kind of place is that?
- It's the Calvert Arms.
It's a singles' building.
Everybody's single.
What an interesting idea.
Well, not really.
Sometimes I wish for the
old-fashioned way of doing things...
...with children and old people,
like normaI