wife.
My wife.
I was only teasing.
You think I meant it?
Oh, no.
That'll be $ 14.40, including
the leash and the choke chain.
You have to practice what he's learned.
No one else can practice for you.
You can pay me the other
4 cents tomorrow.
Sit.
Are you absolutely clear about this?
Yes. I know exactly where we are.
I have the address right here.
- Now, I'll be back in one half hour.
- Are you sure?
Macon, please. I'm just going
around the corner. Now, goodbye.
The Accidental Tourist on Crutches.
I guess I'll be going.
My sister's picking me up.
Rose? She's coming here?
I'd like to see her.
Macon, do me a favor.
Couldn't you invite me
to a family dinner?
Well, we're really not much
for socializing.
Wouldn't have to be anything fancy,
just whatever you eat normally.
What do you eat, normally?
Or I'll bring the meal myself.
You could lock up your dog
and I'll come spend the evening.
We'll see.
Whenever my dad said that,
it meant no.
When I was in high school,
I made nothing but A's.
You're surprised at that, aren't you?
Now, this is the heel command.
You think I'm kind of,
like, not an intellect.
- I know you're surprised.
- No, I'm not.
Now, he's supposed
to match his pace to anything I do.
Slow, fast, anything.
Sit!
Heel!
Good.
I think he's got the hang of it.
Now you.
Yank that leash!
He knows what he's supposed to do.
Good. Don't forget to cluck.
Every little minute you have to praise him.
Pick up that slack!
Cluck!
This is a bit more difficult
with crutches.
I once taught a man who had no legs
and only one arm.
- And he had a Great Dane.
- Really?
You're not in such bad shape.
I have to get going.
That'll be $5, please.
Plus the 4 cents
you owe me from yesterday.
Next time I'll stay longer and talk.
That's a promise.
It is an unfortunate fact that even
the most conscientious traveler...
...cannot be prepared
for every encounter.
At such times,
one must remain calm...
...and rely upon one's
innate common sense.
- Hello, Rose.
- Hello, Julian.
Come in.
I've brought some materials
for Macon.
- Do I hear that dog?
- Yes, he's in the back yard.
Hello, Julian.
Hi, guys.
- Hope I'm not interfering with supper.
- No, no.
- We're finished.
- Really?
What time do you eat, anyhow?
We haven't had our coffee.
Wouldn't you like some coffee?
I'd love some.
Well, that seems a little silly,
if you haven't eaten.
For me, home-brewed coffee's
a real treat.
Everybody in my apartment
building eats out.
There's nothing in their kitchens but a
couple of cans of soda and some peanuts.
- What kind of place is that?
- It's the Calvert Arms.
It's a singles' building.
Everybody's single.
What an interesting idea.
Well, not really.
Sometimes I wish for the
old-fashioned way of doing things...
...with children and old people,
like normal buildings.
Well, of course you do.
I'm going to get you
some nice, hot coffee.
Here you go.
Where's Porter?
We're not sure. He went to a hardware
store. We think he got lost.
- Good grief! When did this happen?
- A little while before supper.
Supper. You mean today?
He's running an errand
on Howard Street.
He's not lost
in any permanent sense.
He got lost on Howard Street?
It's a problem with this family,
directions.
- Really?
- Charles.
What?
Never mind.
I'll go help Rose.
Julian seems very nice.
He's here because he hopes
we'll do something eccentric.
I pray none of us says anything
unconventional around him.
What would we say?
We're the most
conventional people I know.
We bought every map
you can buy for Baltimore.
Alphabetized them, and still...
It's sad, really.
Oh, and what do you want
in your coffee?
Just black's fine.
Coffee, Macon?
No, thank you.
Here you go.
What do you do
for a living, Charles?
I make bottle caps.
- Bottle caps? Is that a fact.
- Well...
...it's not half as exciting
as it sounds, really.
And, Rose, do you work?
Yes, I do.
I work