diamonds, he made
A perfect party for our maid.
What you did you sat our friend
Down on a nail, "by accident".
Consequently the guest has
A strong bias against us.
NURSEMAID
I remember that Spaniard,
I recall he ate like mad,
He was so absorbed in eating
That he smudged his bow in fat.
No matter what you asked him he
Would keep parroting: "si, si"
While he would indulge in eating
Our herring ivashi!
TSAR
Stop it now! Or you'll wind up
Rotting in a prison camp!
I'm quite serious!.. Don't think
That I 'm talking tongue in cheek.
The German baron that we knew
Was good from every point of view.
Yet you did your best to hurt him
And offend him, didn't you?
Wasn't it you who worked him up,
By putting a mouse in his cup?
You are a wicked, vicious woman,
A god damn treacherous thing, a vermin!
NURSEMAID
Well, your baron was quite good,
Good at eating our food,
Put him in a flock of ravens,
He will fight them like a brute!
Looking proud, talking big,
He's voracious like a pig.
He would even gobble hay
If he didn't have to pay!
TSAR
You just wait, there's every reason
To deliver you to prison.
I'm not cruel, but I've no use
For you spies and evil doers!
Tell me, are there any ways
of marrying of our princess?
Don't you know, there aren't many
Eligible men among her friends ?
If there were a legion around,
You could argue, there’s no doubt,
But there isn't, so we have to
Pick what there's to be found.
PRINCESS
You're Russian Tsar, it'll be fair
If you mind your own affair,
How I live and whom I love
Are the matters of my care.
The house swarms with attaches,
There's a lot of them upstairs,
I can't bear any longer
The smell of their after-shaves.
TSAR
Love is blind... If that is true,
You will love the envoy, too.
And along with that you'll set
My worsened foreign trade straight!
It will do to our good,
I shall sell of hemp and wood.
All the public give consent,
You're the only one who wouldn't!
PRINCESS
You may frown and complain,
Yet I'll say it to you again,
As an individual I have
Rights for free marriage and free love.
Maybe, I would give consent
And get married in the end,
If it were Fedot the soldier
Who would offer me his hand.
TSAR
Silly girl, you hold your tongue!
Don't you know where you belong?
Go and lock up in your room,
Learn your sol-fa, get along!
As for scoundrel Fedot,
The vicious rogue, I'll tell you what:
I shall whip him, drive him out
of the palace with a rod.
The Tsar had a General whose occupation
was gathering information.
Like a hunting hound,
he would sniff around
in search of a suspect
in a city crowd.
He would put down
all he heard in town;
and then, at exactly seven,
he would come to the court
to give his report.
TSAR
General, you're feeling blue.
Is it quinsy or the flu?
Or you've drunk too much of beer,
Or you've lost at cards, have you?
Or your army is too small,
Or you do not want to serve at all,
Or you've found some defects
In a cannon tube or cannon ball?
Tell me openly, don't lie,
What is it that makes you sigh?
I should like to know in detail
When and where and what and why!
GENERAL
Well, I went to see Fedot
The other day, and you know what:
When I saw his charming wife
I fell down on the spot.
It's two days, upon my word,
That I haven't touched the sword,
There's nothing left for me but sigh,
I'm afraid, I'm going to die.
Yesterday, I will confess,
I made a sin: I wrote a verse,
The doc is scared for my brains,
It's a shock of love, he claims.
TSAR
The soldier must be gotten rid of.
Didn't he know that I'm widowed?
I'll remind you of your duty:
Go and bring me now that beauty!
As for this insidious man
Wipe him out, if you can,
Grind him out so that he
Mightn't hang around here!
GENERAL
To kidnap her I've got wits,
But think of people in the