Tsar would chop off
his head right off.
So he sat in grief’taking his leave
with the whole wide world.
He remembered the vision
of the little wood-pigeon.
He looked up and,
instead of the bird,
he saw a young woman
in the middle of the room,
a maid full of splendour,
so gracious, so slender!
YOUNG WOMAN
Hello, Fedya, from now on
You and I will get along,
I'm Marusya, your good wife,
Or should I say, your better half.
Why are you silent? Have you got
A bone or something in your throat?
Maybe, you don't like my head-dress,
Or, maybe, you dislike my coat?
FEDOT
There is nothing I won't do
To admire you and be with you,
But I don't think that I can
Marry you and be your man.
See, this morning I was called
To the Tsar, and I was told
To get, you know’ a sort of a grouse
’nd bring it to the Royal house.
Though it's not a hunting season
With the Tsar it's hard to reason,
Then I thought, all right, a grouse
Is not a bison, so it's easy.
I have tramped the woods all day
But was out of luck today:
There was not a single game bird,
Nothing good came in my way.
So there isn't any chance
That I go out for a dance,
When I see the Tsar tomorrow
He'll chop of’my head at once.
Without my head.., well, I don't think
That I'm good for anything,
For it's my mind that makes the meaning
And the essence of my being!
MARUSYA
Now, don't worry, don't complain!
You will have the meals and game.
Stand before me, Frol and Tit,
Get immediately what we need!
Marusya claps her hands, and two burly
fellows appear in front of her.
MARUSYA
Do you hear what I say?
Go and do it without delay.
FELLOWS
You don't have to doubt us,
We have done it many times!
Meanwhile the Tsar and the envoy
are sitting at the table.
Look, who's there to join them! Yes!
It's the Nursemaid and the princess!
All are waiting for the game
Fedot promised to obtain.
There are cabbages and dill,
parsley, carrots, roots of beet,
and that's all there's to it.
The guest looks bored;
he sits dangling his foot
and watching the holes
on the table cloth.
The Tsar is boiling hot,
swearing and cursing Soldier Fedot.
Suddenly, - oh my!
- as if from the sky,
there come a loaf of bread
and an apple pie,
a bucket of caviar, stewed turkey
giblets, sturgeon soup, fishes
and a thousand more
of such-like dishes.
With dainty like that,
isn't it nice to have a chat?
TSAR
I am interested in
Your technology of seedin':
Do your farmers skin the swedes
When they plant them in the fields?
ENVOY
Yes.
TSAR
I'm interested in
Your daily eating routine:
Do your people have their cocoa
With or without saccharine?
ENVOY
Yes.
TSAR
Then there's another thing
That I'm interested in:
Do your women wear knickers,
Sort of underwear, I mean?
NURSEMAID
Are you crazy? Shame on you!
Think whom you are talking to!
Women is the subject you
Turn all conversations to!
TSAR
Will you shut up, be so kind.
If you don't, I'll jail you, mind!
It's not an idle talk, you see?
It's my foreign policy!
Look, she's quite a big lass
But she is as thin as a lath!
So I'm thinking, if we can
Marry her to this here man.
To entice him we must act
Very cautiously, with tact,
Talking round, making hints,
Trying not to hurt his feelings.
NURSEMAID
Not even I - not for your life! -
Would really want to be his wife,
All he has in mind is try
And swallow something on the sly!
"Yes" is all he is repeating,
While he never ceases eating,
Close your eyes, and he'll devour
Half of Russia, at one sitting!
TSAR
Keep your mouth shut, my dear,
Or I'll kick you out of here.
You have scared all the envoys,
All the aliens, as it were.
There was a Spanish grandee,
He was a fop! A real dandy!
Bedecked with