Ichabod Crane?
Alright! That's it for me.
Goodnight everybody.
In your package you will find
the disease you have been assigned
and the symptoms you will need to exhibit.
Bacterial Meningitis.
Jackpot!
Gonorrhea?
You wanna trade?
Sorry, buddy, this is the Hamlet of diseases.
Severe pain, nausea, delusions--
it's got everything.
How 'bout you,
you wanna trade?
Sure.
Okay, what do you got?
The surgeon left a sponge inside me.
Good luck with that.
I knew I had hit my high note,
so I thanked the crowd and I was gone.
What did you do the rest of the day?
I saw "Titanic".
So that old woman--
she's just a liar, right?
And a bit of a tramp if you ask me.
Hello boys.
- Hey!
So did you give that radio
the old switcheroo?
I did.
And the Christian rock?
Ressurected!
And look what I pried off of his bumper...
A Jesus fish!
Jerry, do you have any fishsticks?
No.
So you're disappointed
that he's a spiritual person?
Well, yeah.
I got him because he
seemed so one-dimensional.
I feel misled.
I think it's neat.
You don't hear that much
about God anymore.
I hear things.
Hey, so Sophie gave me the "It's me"
on the phone today.
"It's me?"
Isn't it a little premature?
I thought so.
She's not a "me".
I'm a "me".
I'm against all "It's me"s.
So self-absorbed and egotistical.
It's like those hip musicians
with their complicated shoes!
Well--
I got gonorrhea.
That seems about right.
That's what they gave me.
They?
The Government?
No, no.
He's pretending he's got gonorrhea
so med students can diagnose it.
And it's a waste of my talent.
It's just a little burning.
Mickey, he got bacterial meningitis.
I guess there are no small diseases,
only small actors.
Alright, that's it for me!
Good night everybody.
What was that?
Showmanship. George is trying to
get out on a high note.
See, showmanship. Maybe that's
what my gonorrhea is missing.
Yes! Step into that spotlight and
belt that gonorrhea out to the back row.
Yes, yes I will!
I'm gonna make people feel my gonorrhea,
and feel the gonorrhea in themselves.
And are you experiencing any discomfort?
Just a little burning during urination.
Okay, any other pain?
The haunting memories of lost love.
May I?
Lights?
Our eyes met across the crowded hat store.
I a customer,
and she a coquettish haberdasher.
Oh, I pursued and she withdrew,
and then she pursued and I withdrew,
and so we danced.
And I burned for her.
Much like the burning during urination
that I would experience soon afterwards.
Gonorrhea!
Gonorrhea!
One message.
Hope it's not from you.
Hey Jerry, it's me.
Call me back.
Sophie.
She's still doing that?
Yep.
Alright, I'll tell you what you do.
You call her back
and give her the "it's me", heh?
Pull the old switcheroo.
I think that's a "what's good for
the goose is good for the gander".
What the hell is a gander, anyway?
It's a goose that's had
the old switcheroo pulled on it.
Hi Sophie, it's me.
Hey Rafe.
She thinks it's someone named Rafe.
Good, let her think it.
So, what's going on?
Not a lot.
Ask about you,
ask about you.
So, uh, how are things with Jerry?
Oh, I really like him, but--
Well, I still haven't told him
the tractor story.
Right, right, the tractor story.
Are you sick, Rafe?
You sound kinda funny.
I sound funny?
Abort! Abort!
Yeah, I better get to a doctor, bye.
That was close!
What drives me to take chances like that?
That was very real.
She said there's some tractor story
that she hasn't told me about.
Whoa, back it up, back it up.
Beep, beep, beep.
Tractor story?
Beep, beep, beep?
What are you doing?
So where do you wanna eat?
Feels like an Arby's night.
Arby's. Beef and cheese and--
Do you believe in God?
Yes.
Oh.
So, you're pretty religious?
That's right.
So is it a problem
that I'm not really religious?
Not for me.
Why not?
I'm not the one going to hell.
You know what I think?
I bet she stole a tractor.
No one's stealing a