you slap him?
What-what-what is that
supposed to mean?
You're not a very
tolerant person.
You've bugged me
since New York,
starting with
stealing my cab.
God, you're a tight-ass.
How would you like
a mouthful of teeth?
Oh, and hostile, too.
Nice personality combination-
hostile and intolerant.
That's borderline criminal.
Screw you.
You spilled beer
all over the bed,
you mess up
the bathroom...
Who let you stay?
I even let you pay,
so you wouldn't feel
like an intruder.
An intruder?
Right. You ruined a nice trip.
Who talked my ear off
on the plane?
Who was that?
I'm curious.
Who told you to book a room?
I did.
You're an ungrateful jackass.
Sleep in the lobby.
I hope you wake up so stiff
you can't even move.
You got a free cab,
a free room,
and someone
who will listen
to your boring stories.
Didn't you notice on the plane
when you started talking,
I started reading
the vomit bag?
Didn't that
give you some clue
that this guy's
not enjoying it?
Everything's not an anecdote.
You have to discriminate.
You choose things
that are funny
or mildly amusing
or interesting.
You're a miracle.
Your stories
have none of that.
They're not even
amusing accidentally.
Honey, meet Del Griffith.
He's got some
amusing anecdotes.
Here's a gun so you can
blow your brains out.
You'll thank me for it.
I could tolerate
any insurance seminar.
For days,
I could listen to them go on and on.
They'd say,
"How can you stand it?"
And I'd say,
"'Cause I've been with Del Griffith.
I can take anything. "
You know what they'd say?
"I know what you mean.
The shower curtain
ring guy. "
It's like going on a date
with a Chatty Cathy doll.
There should be
a string on your chest
that I pull out.
Except I wouldn't
pull it out, you would.
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
By the way,
when you're telling
these little stories,
here's a good idea.
Have a point.
It makes it more interesting
for the listener.
You want to hurt me?
Go ahead if it
makes you feel better.
I'm an easy target.
Yeah, you're right.
I talk too much.
I also listen too much.
I could be a cold-hearted
cynic like you,
but I don't like to
hurt people's feelings.
Well, you think
what you want about me.
I'm not changing.
I like-I like me.
My wife likes me.
My customers like me.
'Cause I'm the real article.
What you see
is what you get.
» I'm back
in baby's arms «
» How I miss
those lovin' arms «
» I am back
where I belong «
» Back in baby's arms «
» Don't know
why we quarreled «
» We never did before «
» Since we found out
how it hurts... «
Del.
Hmm? Yeah.
Why did you kiss my ear?
Why are you holding my hand?
Where's your other hand?
Between two pillows.
Those aren't pillows!
Aah!
Oh, no!
Ooh!
Oh!
Oh! Oh!
See that Bears' game
last week?
Hell of a game.
They're going all the way.
Ohh, yeow.
Neal, take my socks
out of the sink
if you're going
to brush your teeth.
Where are you?
I'm in Wichita.
I'm at a motel
with this guy
I met on the plane.
You shared a motel room
with a stranger?
Are you crazy?
I'm getting there.
Did you call the airline?
I have a good chance
of getting on standby.
If they told you
wolverines make
good house pets,
would you believe them?
I'm not spending
Thanksgiving in Wichita.
I'll get home.
Mmm.
Not by airplane.
They got 18 hours of air traffic
backed up.
We're going to be having
our turkey roll
right here.
If we wait
for the flight.
How else can we get home?
Burt Dingman.
He works for the railroad.
I sold them all their
shower curtain rings.
He owes me a favor.
I'll get that.
I paid for everything else.
Why break precedent?
You're making me feel
like a freeloader.
Get me on the train,
we're square.
You got it.
That's the easy part.
What?
You know goddamn well what.
I'm sorry. I don't.
I had over
$700 in here.
I'm a lot of things,
but I'm not a thief.
You went into my stuff
last night, right?
I didn't take your