started reading the vomit bag? Didn't that give you a clue, like maybe this guy's not enjoying it? Everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle. Your stories have none of that. They're not even amusing accidentally. "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del, he's got some amusing anecdotes. " "And here's a gun to blow your brains out, you'll thank me for it!" I- I could tolerate any... any insurance seminar. For days I could listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" And I'd say, "I've been with Del Griffith. I can take anything. " You know what they'd say? "I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. " It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a string on your chest that I have to pull out. Except I wouldn't pull it out. You would. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! And when you're telling these stories, here's a good idea... have a point. It makes it much more interesting for the listener. You want to hurt me? Go ahead, if it makes you feel better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like... I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. Cos I'm the real article. What you see is what you get. # I'm back in baby's arms # How I missed those lovin' arms # I am back where I belong # Back in baby's arms # Don't know why we quarrelled # We never did before # Since we found out... # Del. Hmm? Hmm? Why did you kiss my ear? Why are you holding my hand? Where's your other hand? Between two pillows. Those aren't pillows! Grr! Whoo! Oof! Hoo! - See that Bears game last week? - Hell of a game. Bears got a great team this year. They're gonna go all the way. Ohh, yeeoow! Ohh... Take my socks out of the sink if you're gonna brush your teeth. Where are you? 'I'm in Wichita. ' - You're still at the airport? - 'I'm at a motel with a guy I met. ' You shared a motel room with a stranger? Are you crazy? 'I'm getting there. ' Did you call the airline? They said I have a good chance of getting on standby. If they told you wolverines make good pets would you believe them? I'm not spending Thanksgiving in Wichita. I've got a family waiting. - I'll get home. - Mm. Not by aeroplane. They got 18 hours of air traffic backed up. Odds are we're gonna be having our turkey roll right here... ...if we wait for the flight. - How else can we get home? Burt Dingman, my buddy, works for the railroad. - Train? - I sold them their curtain rings. He owes me a favour. I'll get that. I paid for everything else. Why break precedent? I feel like a freeloader. - Get me on the train, we're square. - You got it. That's the easy part. What? You know goddam well what. I'm sorry. I don't. I had over $700 in here. I didn't touch your dough. I'm not a thief. You went into my stuff last night? I didn't take your money and I don't care for the accusation. I had over $700 and you went into my wallet for pizza. - Just maybe when you went in... - Count it! - Like you'd keep it there. - There's $263 in there. If there's more, then I'm a thief. Just count it. Count it! 263, right? - Empty. - What? Dry. - We were robbed. - Do you think so You know, I've been thinking. What we're dealing with is a small-time crook. He didn't take the credit cards, so we charge our way home. - What plastic you carry? - Visa and a gasoline card. And a Neiman-Marcus card in case we want to buy a gift for someone. - What have you got? - Chalmer's Big Man Shoppe, a chain in the Pacific Northwest. Great stuff. But it does us no good here. Never mind. Get me to the station and I'll take care of everything. Gus's son's gonna pick ------------------------------ Читайте также: - текст Возможности карьеры на английском - текст Отец Сергий на английском - текст Галактика 1980 на английском - текст Приключения Шерлока Холмса и доктора Ватсона: Сокровища Агры на английском - текст Алые паруса на английском |