sHe first mentioned
wHat's about to Happen,
I said, "Over my dead body."
And sHe said, "No, Daniel, over mine."
And as usual, my darling girl...
and Sam's darling mum was rigHt.
So sHe's going to say Her final farewell
to you not tHrougH me but,
inevitably,
ever so coolly,
tHrougH tHe immortal genius
of tHe Bay City Rollers.
(On speakers)
Bye bye baby, baby goodbye
Goodbye baby, baby bye bye
Bye bye baby
Don't make me cry
Goodbye baby, baby bye bye
You're tHe one girl in town I'd marry
Girl I'd marry you now if I were free
I wisH it could be
I could love you but wHy begin it?
Cos tHere ain't any future in it
SHe's got me but I'm not free so...
(From DJ bootH)
Bye bye baby, baby goodbye
¶ Goodbye baby, baby bye bye
¶ Bye bye baby, don't make me cry
¶ Goodbye baby, baby bye bye
¶ WisH I never Had known you... ¶
Do you love Him?
Er, er, wHat?
No, l-I just tHougHt I'd ask bluntly
in case it was tHe rigHt question
and you needed someone to talk to about it
and no one Had ever asked you.
No. No. No is tHe answer. Absolutely not.
¶..on my finger... ¶
So tHat's a no, tHen?
Yes. Erm...
¶ Bye bye baby, baby goodbye
¶ Goodbye baby, baby bye bye... ¶
THis DJ, wHat do you reckon?
- THe worst in History?
- Probably.
I tHink it all Hangs on tHe next song.
Now Here's one for tHe lovers.
THat's quite a few of you,
I sHouldn't be surprised and a Half.
(¶ S Club Juniors: Puppy Love)
¶ And tHey called it... ¶
- He's done it, it's official.
- Worst DJ in tHe world.
¶ OH, I guess tHey'll never know... ¶
(Knocks)
SaraH's waiting for you.
OH, yes, of course, erm...
Great, er, good, good.
How are you doing, Mia?
Settling in fine? Learning wHo to avoid?
Absolutely.
- Harry?
- SaraH,
switcH off your pHone and tell me exactly
How long it is tHat you've been working Here.
Two years, seven montHs,
tHree days and, I suppose, wHat, two Hours?
And How long Have you been in love
witH Karl, our enigmatic cHief designer?
Um...
Two years, seven montHs, tHree days
and, I suppose, an Hour and 30 minutes.
THougHt as mucH.
- Do you tHink everybody knows?
- Yes.
- Do you tHink Karl knows?
- Yes.
OH, tHat is... tHat is bad news.
I just tHougHt tHat maybe tHe time
Had come to do sometHing about it.
- Like wHat?
- lnvite Him out for a drink
tHen casually mention you'd like to marry
Him and Have lots of sex and babies.
- You know tHat?
- Yes.
And so does Karl.
THink about it, for all our sakes.
It's CHristmas.
Certainly. Excellent. Will do.
THanks, boss.
- Hi, SaraH.
- Hi, Karl.
(¶ On radio: CHristmas Is All Around)
(Mobile)
Babe. Absolutely, fire away.
Mia, Mia, would you turn tHat down?
WHat is tHat?
THat was tHe CHristmas effort
from tHe once great Billy Mack.
OH, dear me, How are tHe migHty fallen.
I can safely say tHat is tHe worst record
I've Heard tHis century...
OH, and coincidentally,
I believe Billy will be a guest
on my friend Mike's sHow
in a few minutes' time.
Welcome back, Bill.
Billy, welcome back to tHe airwaves.
New CHristmas single,
cover of Love Is All Around.
Except we've cHanged
tHe word "love" to "CHristmas".
Yes, is tHat an important message
to you, Bill?
(Snorts) Not really, Mike.
CHristmas is a time for people
witH someone tHey love in tHeir lives.
- And tHat's not you?
- THat's not me, MicHael.
WHen I was young and successful,
I was greedy and foolisH
and now I'm left witH no one,
wrinkled and alone.
- Wow. THanks for tHat, Bill.
- For wHat?
For actually giving
a real answer to a question.
It doesn't often Happen Here
at Radio Watford, I can tell you.
- Ask me anytHing, I'll tell you tHe trutH.
- Best sHag you ever Had?
- Britney Spears.
- Wow.
No, only kidding! (Snorts)
- SHe was rubbisH.
- OK, Here's one.
How do you tHink tHe new record
compares to your old, classic stuff?
Come on, Mikey, you know as well as I do
tHe record's crap.
(Bill laugHing)
But wouldn't it be great
if number one tHis CHristmas