don't understand.
You just solved the entire case.
You just revolutionized
the history of police training.
All these years at the academy...
...studying human character,
terrorist psyche, fingerprint analysis...
...the courses I've taken in surveillance,
negotiation and criminal psychology...
...when all I had to do is drive around...
...point my finger and say,
"The bad guys are in there."
- You think you're funny, don't you?
- I know I am.
I'm the famous comedian
Arnold Braunschweiger.
- Schwarzenegger.
- Gesundheit.
- May I help you?
- Yes.
Could I speak to the drug dealer
of the house, please?
- I beg your pardon?
- It's a beautiful day...
...and we're out killing drug dealers.
Are there any in the house?
Be ready for anything.
Wait. Where are you going?
I'll be back.
You didn't know I was going to say that,
did you?
That's what you always say.
I do?
Everybody keeps waiting for you
to work it in.
It's kind of like your calling card.
I understand you're interested
in drug dealers.
- Yes.
- Jack, that's him...
...the henchman with the glass eye.
Sir...
...are you a henchman?
No. I only go as far as lackey.
- Will there be anything else?
- Yeah. Take off your sunglasses.
Who's asking?
The Tin Man.
Well, Tin Man,
suppose you hit the bricks?
- They're the wrong color.
- Are they? Oh, dear. Let's change them.
Would arterial red suit you?
Make no mistake.
They are exceptionally well-trained.
I snap my fingers again,
and some time tomorrow...
...you emerge
from several canine recta.
Or you and Toto can go back
to the Land of Oz. Questions?
Yeah.
Two of them.
Why am I wasting time
on a gangster putz like you...
...when I could be doing something
much more dangerous?
Like rearranging my sock drawers.
And two, how exactly
are you gonna snap your fingers...
...after I rip off both of your thumbs?
Have a nice day.
He had one with a bull's-eye
when he was with your second cousin.
He hates his boss.
He calls him a Sicilian schmuck.
How did Slater find out?
Will you tell me?
I want him to join me,
but he's nuts.
He keeps going after the bad guys.
Where is it written I'm a bad guy?
Find out who talked,
and have him killed. Then, Slater.
Hey! What's with you?
We should change
the funeral arrangements.
Are you crazy?
When I say bloodbath, there is...
...a bloodbath.
- A bloodbath.
I'm going to find out more
about Slater's short friend.
Come on, Jack. That guy
has gotta be guilty of something.
He's guilty of acting like an asshole.
If I arrest him, I have to arrest
half of Congress.
- Why'd we park back there?
- In case my ex-wife is around.
Don't worry. She's not.
Her name wasn't in the credits.
Kid...
...who does the doctor treat?
- Patients.
Look at the elbow of my jacket.
What is it doing?
- Wearing thin?
- Bingo.
Geez, that was a stretch.
Wow! Is this what you drive
on the weekends?
No, this is my little girl's car.
Come on. Knock on the door.
I told you, your ex-wife's not home.
Her name wasn't in the credits.
- Meredith?
- I hope you mean Whitney.
Sorry. Whitney.
You're not Skeezy, are you?
Daddy! Oh, my God!
- Stop it, Daddy!
- It's okay. It's okay.
Hi. I'm Danny Madigan.
And I realize I haven't had
that long of a life...
...but I just want you to know, from
now on, it's all gotta be downhill.
- Hello, sweetheart. You look wonderful.
- Thank you.
So who's your friend?
He's cute.
No, he's not cute.
He's hopelessly insane.
Soon he'll tell you he loved you
in Gone With the Wind.
This is her first movie.
You see?
- Who is Skeezy?
- It's just a sorority thing.
They assign you a freshman. When
he comes to the door, you kiss him.
- Do you have to kiss him?
- Dad, would you go on?
Would you grab the phone?
If it's for me, I'll be out of the shower...
...in less than one hour for sure.
What a cutie.
That's old evidence. Counterfeit case.
Looks real, doesn't it?
Turns funny colors when you burn