it painted.
Anyway, seriously,
seriously now, seriously, hold it.
Hold it now, seriously.
Anyway, the gal came back
from her honeymoon.
She was alone and her parents
welcomed her with open arms
and they said to her...
Well, anyway, the guy
looked up at her and he said,
"Lady, I don't think I can
take 67 more of those."
You know, my sister was so ugly,
they used to put a pork chop
around her neck
to get the dog to play with her.
She was also so dumb, she came in
one time with hot turd on her hand
and she said,
"Look what I almost stepped in."
Hey, that's some laughter here.
Is that your wife beside you
or you just throw up on the seat?
No, no, no, no,
just a minute now. Hold on.
No, really, time to get in tune.
I'd like now to do for you my tribute
to that fantastic performer, a great lady,
Judy.
Clang, clang, clang went the trolley
Ding, ding, ding went the bell
Zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings
You know you made me, yes, I do
You know I do, indeed I do
Give me, give me, give me
Give me what I cry for
You know you got
the kind of kisses that I die for
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh, why
can't I?
I've seen the greatest. Sinatra,
Wayne Newton, Carl Yastrzemski.
That was the greatest performance
I've ever seen in my life.
-Not really.
-Yeah.
Listen, the boss is here.
She wants to meet you.
Have a seat, Mr Dewonderful.
Thank you.
-Thanks, Vic.
-Right.
You looked pretty good up there.
How'd you like a job at my club?
So you must be Mr V?
Veronica Rivers.
You work this room real well.
I heard about it
from a friend of mine, Joey Koldys.
Terrible thing that happened to him.
-Would you like a drink?
-Why not?
Good. I took the liberty
of ordering you our house special.
To your health, kid.
Tony, are you okay?
Went down the wrong pipe.
Listen, if you're gonna work here,
you'll need a contract.
So, why don't we go over to my office,
and you can sign one.
Fine.
-Hold it right there, Rivers!
-Who are you?
My name is Jerry Layne. This is Lester.
We came here before.
You wouldn't even watch our act.
Well, now I'm gonna force you
to give us an audition.
Sit down, both of you.
Now, Jerry,
you'll never get away with this.
Why don't you give me that gun
and we'll forget about it.
Sit down and shut up.
Now, here's my act.
Lester, I heard you had a girlfriend.
-Yes.
-Is she pretty?
-Try repulsive.
-Repulsive.
No, but you're getting close.
And now, I'm gonna do an imitation
of a priest eating potato chips.
Stay where you are, mister.
You better do what he says.
He'll blow your brains out.
Jerry, all I wanna do is tell you that
I think that your act is really good.
-You do?
-No, he doesn't.
No, I do. I really do.
It's a very good act. Now just relax.
-Cigarette?
-Yes, I know.
Well, I think that
Thursday night here,
the 8:00 spot would be good for you.
-Do you really?
-No, he doesn't. It's just a trick, stupid.
Yeah, how do I know
you'll come through?
That's easy. All you have to... Look out!
Say, that was nice work.
You took a big chance doing that.
Well, you take a chance
getting up in the morning,
crossing the street
or sticking your face in a fan.
Well, I like the way you did that.
I could use a man like you around here.
How'd you like to make
a little extra cash?
-What do I have to do?
-Just a little errand.
Pick up my car tomorrow morning.
It's down at the doc's.
When I got to the doc's, everything was
in order as Veronica had said.
Drug trafficking is the heart
and soul of criminal activity in the city
and I knew we had tapped the source.
But now to find the evidence.
I dropped the car off at the lab
for a more thorough investigation.
So you see, Katie,
objects get their shape from
the arrangement of their molecules.
If you apply force to these molecules,
their arrangement is altered,
and the shape of the object is changed.
Now, did you bring me
your Crying Judy doll?