Let me ask you
a simpIe question.
Why do peopIe go to war?
I`II pIay your siIIy game.
To ensure their way of Iife.
-WouId you fight to do that?
-I have.
If you went to war again,
who wouId it be against?
Your abiIity to fight
a two-ocean war against who?
Sweden and Togo?
That time has passed.
It`s over.
The war of the future
is nucIear terrorism.
It`II be against
a smaII group of dissidents...
who, unbeknownst perhaps to
their own governments, have...
To go to that war,
you have to be prepared.
You gotta be aIert.
The pubIic has gotta be aIert...
because that is the war
of the future...
and if you`re not gearing up
to fight that war...
then the ax wiII faII.
You`II be out in the street.
You can caII this a driII,
caII this job security...
caII it anything you Iike,
but I got one for you.
Go to war
to preserve your way of Iife?
Chuck, this is your way of Iife.
If your spy sateIIites
don`t see nothing...
if there ain`t no war...
then you can go home
and take up goIf...
`cause there ain`t no war
but ours.
Thank you.
Drive carefuIIy.
Nice enough peopIe.
They just hadn`t
thought it through.
You taIked us out of there.
We got deIayed.
We`re going to NashviIIe.
What?
You couId taIk a dog
off a meat truck.
Thank you.
We just got stuck.
AII systems five-by-five.
See you in NashviIIe.
You saved our bacon.
It was just a...
a phenomenaI performance.
You turned them around.
They hadn`t thought it through.
He`s moving across the tarmac.
But it appears something
has distracted the president...
and he has stopped moving
toward the waiting motorcade.
There`s a little girl...
trying to speak
to the president.
It seems she`s speaking in--
Is it Albanian?
Can we get someone
to translate?
Dan,
I think what she is saying...
is that this wheat offering
is sort of ceremonial...
and that it is
the first sheaf...
the first cut of the harvest.
I`m not proficient
in Albanian...
but the old woman
is quite taken...
as the president
is offering her the coat.
It is quite
an emotional moment here.
There comes a time...
in the course of human events...
when a threat
must be answered...
with courage and strength.
Our forefathers earned...
the right to be free.
Now it`s time...
to guard their dream.
We guard...
our American borders.
We guard...
the American dream.
We guard our right...
to fight for democracy...
and keep our country free.
We guard...
our American spirit.
We guard...
the American dream.
Our country`s built...
on the rock of liberty.
And we, as people...
must keep it free.
It is for life...
liberty...
the pursuit of happiness...
Freedom, `tis of thee.
We guard...
our American borders.
We guard...
the American dream.
I Ioved the fat,
wet AIbanian broad.
Thank you.
You know why?
It was understated.
You got Iucky
with the rain, too.
We had to divert
the pIane to Boca Raton.
You shouId have come to me.
We have rain machines.
I`m a producer. I make rain.
Next time.
I havejust gotten word...
that the situation
in Albania is resolved...
that it is resolved.
The CIA confirms...
that our troops
along the Canadian border...
and overseas are standing down.
I must take this opportunity
to call upon our president...
What does he mean,
the situation has been resoIved?
He just ended the war.
He ended the war?
Why did he do that?
I think the CIA
cut a better deaI.
He ended the war?
He can`t end the war.
He`s not producing this.
This is in bad taste.
Can we stop this?
Stop. It`s over.
Can we stop this?
Stop the choir.
It has been quite a week,
Richard.
I can`t remember
when any president...
was hit with the flu, a war...
and accused of sexual
misconduct by a teenage girl...
all in the same
seven-day period.
This, of course, only days
before he runs for reelection.
We`vejust received information
from sources at the CIA...
that confirms the cessation
of hostilities...
The CIA.
I thought they Iet