Maybe.
-You see that?
Sit on my lap if you love me...
but don't put your hand
down there.
l didn't mean--
We'll take a short nap.
l thought you should see it.
lt shouldn't be a song.
l'm glad that your mama's
not here.
Don't do a song about it.
l thought it was funny.
Sit on my lap...
l don't think it's appropriate
for what we're doing.
l just meant for you to see it.
l guard the Canadian border.
The president spent the weekend
pressing the flesh.
He wasn't campaigning.
He was dating, actually.
Change this. Thank you.
Behind the mention of Albania,
of his stomach flu...
taking refuge these scant days
away from the election.
Young girl in rubble.
She was driven from her home
by Albanian terrorists.
lt is her
we are mobilizing to defend.
-Or is it she?
-lt is her.
Can we get her a kitten?
Young girl in rubble
with a kitten.
That's good.
This is too static.
Young girl running
from the village.
More energy.
Time to face
these terrible charges...
to answer
all of these questions.
-What's this?
-Head shots.
Girls to play the victim
in our news footage.
Write this down.
Young girl running
from village towards camera.
Grainy hand-held news footage.
Send it to everyone.
What do you think?
l like the sorrowful one.
What is this again?
Young Albanian girl
running from her home.
l like this broad here.
Where? Too Texan.
We're locked into Albania.
Why?
Albania's hard to rhyme.
What are you looking at me for?
lt's the name of the country.
That rhymes.
-John Belushi?
-Jim.
Jim Belushi.
-Jim Belushi what?
-Albanian?
Jim Belushi's Albanian?
Are you kidding?
Know anybody who's eaten
in an Albanian restaurant?
-ls there such a thing?
-Has to be.
-ls there a national dish?
-We can make it up.
Jim Belushi is Albanian.
What time is it?
3:03.
Great idea.
To the men and women of
the 303 detachment with their...
Leopard skin.
With their berets.
How about all black?
That's good.
Half black, half leopard...
wear it on your head.
Half black, half leopard...
wear it to your bed.
Half black, half leopard.
l guard...
the American dream.
l guard...
the American dream.
Everybody's always
in a hurry these days.
lf they're not
rushing somewhere...
they're changing something
that doesn't need changing.
That's why l'm glad
we're behind the president.
Sure we are.
lt just makes good sense.
You don't want to change
horses in midstream.
Why are they sticking
with this age-old horseshit?
Why are they sticking
with the same garbage?
-Who hires these people?
-l feel insulted having seen it.
-lt's offensive.
-Poorly costumed.
New York Times,
Washington Post: war.
Times got the Firefly Girl
in the Style section.
Post on page 12.
lt's good. Hello?
lt's very important. Listen up.
lt's all war.
You're doing good.
Would you vote for that person
based on that commercial?
-l don't vote.
-Why don't you vote?
When Major League Baseball
started the fans voting...
l voted for Boog Powell
on first base.
He didn't get in,
and it disappointed me.
lt's futile.
You've never voted
for president?
Do you vote?
No. l always vote
for the Academy Awards...
but l never win.
Liz, do you vote?
l don't vote.
l don't like the rooms.
Too claustrophobic.
l can't vote in small places.
lt's about that time.
We got the Albanian girl
with a cat, a kitten, and a dog.
l don't want a dog.
l asked for a kitten.
l understand that,
but the pet wrangler suggested--
l need to speak to the president
before you pick an animal.
Can't they find me a kitten?
Listen to me.
Albanian terrorists
have a staging area...
for their atomic workshop.
That's why she's fleeing.
What if it wasn't Albania?
Say it was ltaly?
l can get a lot of cash
if it's ltaly.
"Give them the boot."
What if a shoe was the fad?
The little girl
is coming toward the camera.
What does she have in her hands?
A kitten.
Albania doesn't
do anything for me.
That's the problem.