little to be happy:
a sense of the Motherland,
of the Universe.
A quiet river, a small forest lake,
and simple fishing equipment.
We'll use a smoke screen,
and no one will see.
You are so clever!
Why aren't you in uniform,
if you know it all, you
landlubbing half-wits!
- Where's the toilet?
- To the left down the corridor.
And put my coat on.
This is a combat ship, after all.
Comrade Lieutenant-Captain.
There's a package from headquarters.
Sign here.
You're to open it at the time
specified on the envelope.
- Permission to leave?
- Leave, leave.
We must be 20 meters away,
or we'll blow ourselves up.
After the explosion only 10 to 12
per cent of the fish will float up.
The rest of it will remain
on the floor of the sea.
We must collect the fish
that will be on the surface.
- ls a current towards or away from us?
- That l don't know.
- Full speed ahead, or we're done for!
- Swim for your life!
How much vodka
did you leave there?
Sixteen boxes.
- How much?
- Only 15 left, to be exact.
You should have said
that straight away.
- Can you show me the exact place?
- Yes.
lt's an uninhabited area. lt would be
better to go by submarine.
- ln a "Baby-Sub"?
- How do you know? lt's a state secret!
Last year we took it
to the island to go berry-picking.
- Who took off my sandals?
- The explosion tore them off.
My feet are wet. And why
are you shouting at me?
l thought you were shell-shocked.
- And where's our boat?
- lt sank.
Kuzmich will be upset.
What will we do?
Maybe we should swim to the shore.
lf it had been autumn or spring,
we'd die from exposure.
A pilot shot down over the Baltic
has 20 minutes to survive.
lf they got him in time, they
could bring him back to life.
The best way to warm him up
was a woman on either side.
Lots of them had their eyes
pecked out by seagulls.
The eyes glitter in the sunshine,
so they peck them out.
Can't you think
of anything more cheerful?
Birds are very responsive
to shiny objects.
- My name is Vasily.
- Serghei.
What are you doing here?
Our training exercises have begun.
Kuzmich, have you seen
a package from headquarters?
A secret one? Lyova wanted
to open it yesterday.
l need it as much
as a hedgehog needs a T-shirt.
Serghei got it, he signed the receipt.
Why can we never sit
in a civilized manner,
do we always need to drink.
Where is the package?
- Anyway, is there any left?
- My plan of actions is in it.
We've got training exercises
with live shooting.
And l don't know
which way to shoot.
Like a broken record!
lvanych, have you got any left?
We should have a hair of the dog,
then look for it.
l will be at the location in 20 minutes,
and l don't know the procedure.
- Do you have any children?
- No.
- How old are you?
- Nearly thirty-four.
...and you haven't lived at all yet.
What are you talking about?
Stop this nonsense.
You should be realistic, look
the danger bravely in the face.
- Semyonov, follow me!
- Vasily, where are you going?
The explosion must have
lifted it up from the bottom.
There's very little time,
l have to open the package.
Good God, what made me get
mixed with you, you landlubbers.
- Where can l get some water?
- There's water all around.
Don't worry.
Everything will be fine.
A grappling hook and horseradish
up your holes!
The detonator needs
to be hit very hard
to set the mine off,
otherwise an occasional storm
or fish would explode it.
We're over here! Save us!
So funny - our whistles
play in one tonality.
What are you on about?
We could play some simple melody.
lf you don't like classical music,
something modern.
l, for example,
like the Early Beatles.
Semyonov, are you an idiot?
- Do l look like an idiot?
- Yes.
Excuse me,
where can l get a drink of water?
- Upstairs.
- Thank you.
Battle stations!
- Prepare missiles for action!
- Missiles are prepared for action!
What the hell have you done,
you streak of sea-scum.
l just wanted