by sundown
we can be at division headquarters.
How about it, Sarge?
We haven't eaten all day!
We could make it
to division for supper.
Knock off the bellyaching
and discussions!
I can't report to the colonel with
a bunch of starving footsloggers.
We're staying here.
And get this: by tonight
you've got to be neat and polished.
Get the holes in your uniforms
patched up, sew on buttons.
Those with boots falling offyour
feet, fix them up somehow.
And, of course, get your weapons
as shiny as mirrors.
Patch that hole in your pants.
You're as naked as a cherub. Nobody
wants to look at your tail.
If I was a cherub
I'd be up in heaven now.
And I wouldn't see you there.
Comrade Chairman,
you're a war veteran.
So you're supposed
to understand our situation.
But you're behaving, excuse me,
like a foolish woman.
As I said, I can't help you.
I'm not asking for much,
Comrade Chairman!
I can't,
Comrade Sergeant!
Doesn't look like
sarge is getting anywhere.
Hey, Lopakhin,
go see what you can do.
Just make out a bill,
you'll get paid.
I keep telling you that
our warehouse is empty!
But you won't believe me.
It's no use patting on my leg,
I'm not a girl,
and my leg can't feel anything,
it's made of wood.
Come on!
There's only about
three kilos here,
and maybe even less.
The boys are ready to drop from hunger.
And I'm not able to do anything
about it at all.
Don't you worry, just let me
take over that department.
I'll get everything organized.
What's on your mind?
Some crazy scheme again?
It'll all be legal, I give you
my word of honor.
It'll be only me
who'll suffer.
Of course, I'll have to break
my code of morality.
But since it's been already undermined
I'm willing to make a sacrifice.
Stop pulling the wool over my ears,
tell me about this.
See for yourself.
Comrade Chairman,
you got a minute?
Listen, you've been in the same boat,
so I'll be honest with you:
We've gotta get
some food somewhere.
- Right?
- Right.
You can't help us with food,
but you can help in another way.
What's that?
Have you got a welI-to-do widow or
the wife of a soldier on your farm?
Well yes, there's plenty around.
You arrange to billet us
with one ofthem.
Only not too ugly,
I mean a woman
that wouldn't give a man
a stomach ache.
And somebody that's not
over 70?
If possible, a younger one
would be better.
Got you.
- May I go into action?
- Do it.
But I have a feeling that
you're going to let us down!
Me letting you down?
Of course you will.
She's not gonna feed
twenty-seven men
unless you really
please her.
You'll have to work
very hard, miner!
I'll put my heart into it!
My other boot is even worse.
Let's sew a half-belt
on your underpants, Sasha,
and burn your britches.
Hey, guys! Here's the boss lady!
Just look at that!
Of all the dirty tricks!
Take a look at her!
Everything's lost!
I'm gonna go and clip that chairman
a couple right on the button.
- Why are you so upset?
- Why? Are you blind or what?
She's not a woman,
she's a human monument!
Just a regular woman
in a skirt,
complete with all the attractions
you could want.
- My type exactly!
- She scares me just to look at her!
I saw one like that at an exhibition
before the war.
A woman made of stone, standing
at the entrance. Just like this one!
So what?
You're not exactly up
to her size, you know.
How can you have lived
so long
and still be so ignorant about
what every woman knows?
What is it I'm so ignorant about?
That the smaller the bug is,
the harder it stings.
- Did you ever study ancient history?
- No, I never did.
In my trade as a carpenter,
I never needed to. Why?
There was a great conqueror,
Alexander of Macedonia.
He and another
Roman warrior
who came after him,
Julius Caesar,
had a motto:
I came... I saw...
I conquered!
That's my motto, too,
and that woman's size
doesn't scare me away.
Can I have a go at her?
I guess you can give it a try.
I