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На лоне природы

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matter is,
you should have
your piece too.
Wow, hot!
Oh-ho!
- How are those tails?
- Who's saying somethin' about my tails? They're killers.
- They're $28 a pound.
- Twenty-eight? Oh, my God.
Chet and I haven't had lobster
in an age, not since our anniversary.
- Oh, my goodness!
- Jumping lobster!
- Save that one. That'll be for me.
- I'll make sure of that.
How 'bout the gourmet here?
You know what he wanted? Hot dogs!
You know what they
make those things out of, Chet?
Lips and assholes.
Ha-ha-ha-ha. I guess I'm
old-fashioned. I like assholes.
And I like lips!
If I could market lips like those,
I'd make another million!
Lobster turned out all
right, huh? If I do say so myself.
I think we should go into town
tomorrow and pick up a ski boat.
What do you say?
Sound good, guys?
Uncle Roman will blow some coin
on a kick-ass drag boat.
That's okay.
We're renting a pontoon boat.
Pontoon boat. What the hell
you gonna do with a pontoon boat?
- Retake Omaha Beach?
- No, not at all.
A pontoon boat, you go out
and you cruise the lake.
You swim from them, fish from them,
even bring the barbecue out.
You have a great time.
You tour the lake in comfort.
You guys wanna cruise
the lake in comfort...
or would you rather skim the waves
with Uncle Roman in a jet boat?
Jet boat!
Sorry, Dad.
Atta boy, Benny!
All right, that's my man!
Care to put it to a vote,
Chester?
We don't need a vote. If you guys
want a jet boat, you get a jet boat.
- Buck and I are getting a pontoon boat, right?
- Sorry, dad.
Directly from the mouths
of babes, Chet.
Are you gonna argue, or are you
gonna enjoy yourselves?
Hey, I'm enjoying!
Chet's arguing.
Hey, how 'bout if the kids go out and
catch fireflies? We could play cards.
Cara? Mara?
- You little dolls wanna go outside and catch fireflies?
- Honey, they don't like bugs.
What do you mean?
All kids like bugs. They're cute.
Especially fireflies.
Their butts light up.
I am a killer Monopoly player.
Roman taught me. He's vicious.
Buddy Reiser died.
- Oh, no!
- The president of Energy Resources died in bed.
- He was your mentor, wasn't he
- One of the men I admired.
Hey, I'm tryin' to read!
Sorry, I think I have
to tell you this story.
A story that might
save your lives...
- since we're up here in the North Woods.
- I know the heimlich maneuver.
No, this is...
a bear story.
A true bear story.
Connie and I honeymooned
at this very same lake.
Big spender!
- We stayed at my uncle's cabin.
- Uncle George?
Yeah, that's right.
One night we were
getting ready for bed...
and we heard this terrible
noise out by the trash cans.
You remember?
And...
I went downstairs to check
it out, looked out the window.
And there...
was the biggest, baddest bear
in the North Woods.
- Sure, Dad.
- No, it's true. It's true!
This bear
was over eight feet high.
With big, white teeth.
Fangs...
stained pink...
from whatever it killed
before it got to our cabin.
It was frightening.
Frightening.
The paws on this thing
were immense,
with big black claws,
razor sharp...
like Freddie Kruger.
Only worse.
Worse, worse.
This wasn't a movie. This was
happening now right in front of me.
And all that separated me
from that bear...
was a pane of glass!
- Honey, maybe we shouldn't tell this story right now.
- Mom, it's fine.
I'm thinking
about nightmares.
No, no.
They have to hear this.
Like I say... it might
save their life one day.
Now...
I saw that bear,
it saw me.
And it was hungry!
Hungry for blood!
Human blood.
You see... once a bear
gets a taste for blood,
it craves it,
it needs it.
It will do anything it can
to get it.
That bear had become
a man-eater!
Our eyes locked.
My heart was pumpin'.
Pump, pump, pump, pump.
Pump!
I ran into the living room.
I grabbed the shotgun
off the mantle.
Turned around and there was
that bear right in the window.
Its breath was foggin' up
the glass.
And suddenly...
it
На лоне природы На лоне природы

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