yes,
I'm an idiot, right?
You're an idiot anyway...
but if you say yes,
you're a liar too.
You know something, man?
If we weren't in school right now,
I'd waste you.
Can you hear this?
You want me to turn it up?
Hey, fellas, I mean--
I don't like my parents, either.
I mean, I don't--
I mean, I don't get along
with them when...
their idea of parental compassion
is just, you know...
wacko, you know?
- Dork.
- Y eah?
You are a parent's wet dream, okay?
That's the problem.
Look, I can see you're getting
all bunged up...
for them making you wear
these clothes...
but, face it,
you're a neo-maxi-zoom-dweeby.
What would you do if you weren't out
making yourself a better citizen?
Why do you have to
insult everybody?
I'm being honest, asshole.
I would expect you
to know the difference.
- Well, he's got a name.
- Yeah?
Yeah. What's your name?
- Brian.
- See?
My condolences.
What's your name?
What's yours?
- Claire.
- Claire?
- Claire. It's a family name.
- It's a fat girl's name.
- Thank you.
- Your welcome.
- I'm not fat.
- Not now...
but I can see you really
pushing maximum density.
You see, I'm not sure
if you know this...
but there are
two kinds of fat people.
There's fat people
that were born to be fat...
and fat people that were
once thin but became fat.
When you look at them, you can
sorta see that thin person inside.
You're gonna get married,
squeeze out a few puppies and then...
Oh.
Obscene finger gestures
from such a pristine girl.
I'm not that pristine.
Are you a virgin?
I'll bet you
a million dollars that you are.
Let's end the suspense.
Is it gonna to be
a white wedding?
Why don't you just shut up?
Have you kissed
a boy on the mouth?
Have you ever been felt up...
over the bra...
under the blouse...
shoes off...
hoping to God
your parents don't walk in?
Do you want me to puke?
Over the panties...
no bra...
blouse unbuttoned...
Calvin's in a ball on the front seat
past 11:00 on a school night?
Leave her alone.
I said leave her alone.
You going to make me?
Y eah.
You and how many
of your friends?
Just me.
Just you and me.
Two hits. Me hitting you.
You hitting the floor.
Anytime you're ready, pal.
I don't want to get
into this with you, man.
Why not?
'Cause I'd kill you.
It's real simple.
I'd kill you, and your
fucking parents would sue me.
And it'd be a big mess, and I don't
care enough about you to bother.
Chicken shit.
Let's end this now.
You don't talk to her.
You don't look at her.
And you don't even think about her!
Understand me?
I'm trying to help her.
Brian, how you doing?
Your dad work here?
- Uh, Carl?
- What?
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.
- How does one become a janitor?
- You want to be a janitor?
No, I want to know
how one becomes a janitor...
because Andrew's very interested
in a career in the custodial arts.
Really?
You think I'm some
untouchable peasant, serf, peon?
Y eah?
Maybe so.
From following a broom
after shitheads like you...
I've learned
a couple of things.
I look through your letters.
Look through your lockers.
I listen to your conversations.
You don't know that, but I do.
I am the eyes and ears
of this institution, my friends.
By the way,
that clock's 20 minutes fast.
Shit.
## [ Whistling "Colonel Bogie's March" ]
## [ Whistling "Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony" ]
All right, girls.
Thirty minutes for lunch.
- Here?
- Here.
I think the cafeteria would be
a more suitable place, sir.
I don't care what
you think, Andrew.
Dick.
Excuse me, Rich.
Will milk be made available?
We're extremely thirsty.
I have a really low tolerance
for dehydration.
I've seen her dehydrate, sir.
It's pretty gross.
- Relax. I'll get it.
- Uh-uh-uh.
Grab some wood, bub.
You think I was born yesterday?
Think I'm going to let you
roam these halls?
You.
And you.
Hey!
What's her name?
Wake her up.
Hey! Come on!
On your feet, Missy. Let's go.
This isn't a rest