bad? Real bad?
Parents?
Yeah.
What did they do to you?
They ignore me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What did you want to be
when you were young?
I wanted to be John Lennon.
Carl, don't be a goof.
I'm trying to be serious.
Carl, I've been
teaching for 22 years.
And each year...
these kids get more arrogant.
Aw, bullshit, man.
Come on, Vern.
The kids haven't
changed, you have.
You're teaching because you thought
it would be fun.
Thought you could have
summer vacations off.
Then you discovered
it was work.
That bummed you out.
These kids turned on me.
They think I'm a big fucking joke.
Come off it.
If you were 16...
what would you think of you?
Do you think I care
what these kids think?
Yes, I do.
Think about this.
When we get old...
these kids will
be running the country.
Yeah.
This thought
wakes me at night--
When I get older...
these kids will take care of me.
I wouldn't count on it.
What would I do
for a million bucks?
As little as I had to.
- That's boring.
- How am I supposed to answer?
The idea is to search your mind
for the absolute limit.
Like, would you
drive to school naked?
- Would I have to get out of the car?
- Of course.
- In the spring or winter?
- Doesn't matter. Spring.
- In the front or back of school?
- Either one.
Yes.
I'd do that.
I'll do anything sexual.
I don't need a million dollars either.
- You're lying.
- I already have.
I've done just about everything
except a few things that are illegal.
I'm a nymphomaniac.
Lie.
- Are your parents aware of this?
- I've only told my shrink.
- What did he do when you told him?
- He nailed me.
Very nice.
I don't think, from a legal standpoint,
what he did...
can be construed as rape
since I paid him.
- He's an adult.
- Yeah. He's married too.
Ugh. Do you have any idea
how completely gross that is?
- Well, the first few times--
- "The first few times"!
- You mean he did it more than once?
- Sure.
- Are you crazy?
- Obviously. She's screwing her shrink.
Have you ever done it?
I don't even have a psychiatrist.
Have you ever done it
with a normal person?
- Didn't we already cover this?
- You never answered.
I won't discuss my private life
with total strangers.
- It's kind of a double-edged sword.
- A what?
Well, if you say you haven't,
you're a prude.
If you say you have,
you're a slut.
It's a trap.
You want to, but you can't.
Then when you do,
you wish you didn't. Right?
- Wrong.
- Or are you a tease?
She's a tease.
I'm sure.
Why don't you forget it?
You're a tease and you know it.
All girls are teases.
She's only a tease
if what she does gets you hot.
- I don't do anything!
- That's why you're a tease.
- Let me ask you something.
- I told you everything.
Doesn't it bother you to sleep around
without being in love?
- Don't you want respect?
- I don't screw to get respect.
That's the difference
between you and me.
That's not the only difference.
- Face it. You're a tease.
- I'm not a tease!
Sure you are. Sex is your weapon.
You said it yourself.
You use it to get respect.
I never said that.
She twisted my words around.
- What do you use it for then?
- I don't use it, period!
Oh, are you medically frigid
or is it psychological?
I didn't mean it that way.
You're putting words into my mouth!
Just answer the question.
- [ Andy ] Be honest.
- [ Brian ] No big deal. Answer it.
- Answer the question, Claire.
- Talk to us.
[ All The guys ]
Come on. Answer it.
- [ Bender ] It's only one question.
- No! I never did it!
I never did it either.
I'm not a nymphomaniac.
I'm a compulsive liar.
You are such a bitch!
You did that on purpose
just to fuck me over.
I would do it.
If you love someone, it's okay.
I can't believe you.
You're so weird.
You don't say anything all day.
Then, when you open your mouth...
you unload all these
tremendous lies all over me.
You're just pissed off because
she got you to admit to something.
Fine, but that doesn't