know
what I did to get in here?
I taped Larry Lester's buns together.
- That was you?
- Yeah. You know him?
Yeah, I know him.
Then you know how hairy he is, right?
When they pulled the tape off,
most of his hair came off,
and some skin, too.
Oh, my God.
And the bizarre thing
is that I did it for my old man.
I tortured this poor kid because
I wanted him to think that I was cool.
He's always going off
about when he was in school,
all the wild things he used to do.
I got the feeling he was disappointed
that I never cut loose on anyone.
So, I'm sitting in the locker room
and I'm taping up my knee.
Larry's undressing
a couple of lockers down from me.
He's kind of skinny.
Weak.
I started thinking about my father
and his attitude about weakness.
The next thing I knew...
...I jumped on top of him
and started wailing on him.
My friends just laughed
and cheered me on.
Afterwards...
...when I was sitting
in Vernon's office...
...all I could think about
was Larry's father.
And Larry having to go home
and explain what happened to him.
And the humiliation...
...the fucking humiliation
he must have felt.
It must have been unreal.
I mean, how do you apologise
for something like that?
There's no way.
Iќs all because of me and my old man.
God, I fucking hate him.
He's like this mindless machine
that I can't relate to any more.
(lmitates father) "Andrew,
you've got to be number one!
"I won't tolerate any losers.
"Your intensity is for shit!
"Win, win, win!"
You son of a bitch.
Sometimes, I wish my knee would give.
Then I wouldn't be able to wrestle
and he could forget all about me.
I think your old man and my old man
should get together and go bowling.
Iќs like me with my grades.
When I step outside myself
and look in at myself, you know...
I see me.
I don't like what I see.
I really don't.
Whaќs wrong with you?
Why don't you like yourself?
It sounds stupid but...
Because I'm failing shop.
We had this assignment,
to make this ceramic elephant.
We had eight weeks to do it,
and we're supposed... It was a lamp.
When you pull the trunk
the light was supposed to go on.
My light didn't go on.
I got F on it.
I've never got an F in my life.
When I signed up for the course,
I thought I was playing it smart.
I thought shop would be an easy way
to maintain my grade point average.
Why did you think it would be easy?
- Have you seen the dopes in shop?
- (Bender) I take shop.
- You must be a fucking idiot.
- Because I can't make a lamp?
No, you're a genius
because you can't make a lamp.
- Do you know about trigonometry?
- I couldn't care less.
- No trigonometry, no engineering.
- No lamps, no light.
So neither of you
is any better than the other.
I can write with my toes.
- I can also eat, brush my teeth...
- With your feet?
- I play "Heart and Soul" on the piano.
- I can make spaghetti.
- What can you do?
- I can... tape all your buns together.
- I want to see what Claire can do.
- I can't do anything.
Everybody can do something.
There's one thing I can do.
No, iќs too embarrassing.
You ever seen "Wild Kingdom"? That
guy's done that show for 30 years.
OK, but you have to swear to God
you won't laugh.
OK.
I can't believe I'm actually doing this.
All right, great!
- Where did you learn that?
- Camp, seventh grade.
That was great, Claire.
My image of you is totally blown.
You're a shit!
You swore to God you wouldn't laugh.
- (Bender) Am I laughing?
- You fucking prick!
What do you care what I think,
anyway?
I don't even count, right?
I could disappear forever
and it wouldn't make any difference.
I may as well not even exist
at this school, remember?
And you don't like me, anyway.
I have as many feelings as you and
it hurts when someone steps on them.
God, you're so pathetic. Don't you
ever, ever compare yourself to me, OK?
You've got everэthing
and I've got shit!
Fucking Rapunzel. School would
shut down if you didn't show up.