Nicholas! 
Today is a day that will live in infamosity.
A day that Ernest Reed...
and his subversive American comrade,
Jack Moniker...
are threatening the peace
and prosperity of this...
our ancestral, if not native, home!
I, therefore, declare...
a national state of emergency.
I impose martial law.
And I order... 
all members of the...
National Defense Reserve Army Guard...
to report immediately for active duty.
- Excuse me. I have a phone call to make.
- Don't you go starting any wild rumors.
Let me start them.
I wouldn't even call it a revolution.
What is it? A bunch of farmers
with rakes and shovels.
We're not gonna get an ulcer over this.
That's what I like
about the Cayman lslands.
You want to do business, that's the place.
The three of us could do
some real damage in the Caymans.
Would you cancel that last call
and transfer it to the Cayman lslands?
Good gracious, it's the fireman.
I thought you'd gone.
People are so quick to flee these days.
First hint of a war and they start
running like frightened children.
I was certain you'd be back
in Minnesota, or Dakota, or whatever it is.
I can't leave here, Your Grace.
I'm supporting thousands of mosquitoes.
This is paradise.
You can keep looking for paradise,
but I don't think you'll find it in this world.
What's your idea of paradise?
When I think of paradise, I picture myself
in an expensive hotel suite in New York...
with two hopelessly depraved
young women.
I'd love to join you, but I gotta get back
to the club. See, I'm expecting an army.
Still the bold fireman?
You're the same all over the world.
You like to drive fast,
throw water on things, and leave a mess.
Yeah, and what about you? You've been
hanging out here for 15 years...
drinking tea off a lace doily, saying,
"lt doesn't matter."
It does matter, pal, because your
Prime Minister's gone completely nuts.
And I got a partner down there
about to start a revolution...
and a lot of innocent people will be hurt
unless you and I do something real fast.
'Cause it won't just stop there,
'cause if this island goes up...
then tomorrow another one,
and another one...
then the Americans get nervous,
and the Russians get scared.
Then some old fart gets really worried,
pushes the button.
Hey! There goes Cleveland
in a blinding white flash.
I got an uncle, Sid, who lives in Cleveland,
makes this noise...
I don't want that on my conscience. Okay?
Right!
You and Ernest go off and start the war.
I'll be there shortly with a nuclear weapon.
- On our side?
- Of course.
Oh, be careful of the soldiers.
They'll shoot you on sight.
Well, I'll take an umbrella. Your Grace.
You're safe. But you gotta go away.
Hey, what kind of welcome is that?
- But what are you doing back here?
- I've gotta put out a fire.
Come on.
Morning, everyone.
One brief announcement.
I'd like you
to gather all your possessions...
and meet me on the beach in five minutes.
No need to panic,
it's just in case there's a civil war today.
- Civil war?
- Civil war?
Rebels!
No, come on now, they're not rebels.
Just a local ROTC drill team.
You and your people
had better get out of here, man.
You're my people.
Phillipa is my people.
Why don't we all get out of here?
- There's no other way.
- What about a live, televised debate?
We have no TV, man.
Oh, yeah, rattan's gonna make
a great bulletproof barricade.
- Why don't you just build a wicker tank?
- The chairs you can grab.
Wait, wait. Stop right there.
I'm going to get this. Hold on.
Wait a minute.
Hold it right there. Don't move.
- Move it! Get your asses...
- Wait. Wait a second.
Hold it right there. Perfect.
- Barry!
- Barry! I scored!
Nice outfit.
Where'd you get this?
You didn't bring this with.
No, I just got it.
- Is it cotton?
- Hopsack.
- See, that's cool for this climate.
- Yeah.
Let's go.
Hold it there, Mr. Gundy.
I got you covered. You're on my property.
One more move and