Margaret Chan.
You're no Margaret Chan.
You're no Margaret Chan.
You're no Margaret Chan.
Run!
Ladies and gentlemen,
uh, Lizzie McGuire.
Um...
U-Uh, Margaret Chan
couldn't make it tonight,
so I'm going - I'm going to
be filling in for her.
Not that any of us
could really do that,
but, um, anyway...
Honey, I'm losing the feeling
in my knuckles.
I think that we can all agree
that junior high
is filled with
embarrassing and awkward
and sometimes just downright
humiliating moments, right?
Uh...
Oh!
Me neither.
It is so sad.
Wow.
It's like watching one
of those animals
get killed
on the Discovery Channel.
I-I think Margaret Chan
would want me to have
some water right now.
Uhh! Oh!
Play something!
Do something!
Yes! Ha ha ha!
Come on! Mom! Dad!
I've got to get out
of the country!
I know you're still upset,
but it wasn't that bad.
Oh, really, Mom?
Was your junior-high graduation
on "Good Morning America"?
What creep would send
Diane Sawyer a video
to embarrass you like that?
Oh.
- Ugh!
What is that?
That is Miss Ungermeyer.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey!
She's gonna be our principal
for the next four years.
If you stay on her good side,
it's a one-way ticket
to an lvy League school.
What if you're on her bad side?
Excuse me!
I need to mop up some puke.
Well, you...
You wind up as that guy?
No. You end up working
for that guy.
Can you make sure there are
no garlic or soy products
in anything Brittany
puts near her mouth?
Miss Ungermeyer,
Luke has tennis elbow.
Could somebody
carry his luggage?
My son has asthma,
and he must have his puffer.
Brittany, she's got allergies.
Attention, parents...
shut your pie holes.
I'm on a mission here
to drag your progeny
to 31 historically significant
Roman landmarks
in two weeks.
Now, when these back-talking
miscreants return to you,
they will have dipped their
toes in a lake of culture,
before assuming their destiny
folding shirts
at the outlet mall.
Many - actually, most -
of your classmates opted
for the 36-hour bus ride
to the Water-slide Wonderland.
Whoo!
But you...
you, who are not
mouth- breathing trailer trash,
you will get to experience
the delights
of la citta eterna!
Hmm-hmm.
Rome. The eternal city.
Did no one read
the info packets?
Watch and learn.
Um, Miss Ungermeyer,
I just wanted to let you know
I'm really looking forward
to this exciting
and academically enriching trip.
What's your name?
David Gordon.
- David Gordon.
- Mm-hmm.
I think, in ltalian,
that means a sneaky brownnoser
with a hidden agenda, huh?
Uh, uh.
Yeah! Come on,
check those bags!
I want to see that junk
in the trunk
and a seat looking neat.
Okay.
Mom...
Okay, it's only
two weeks, Mom.
- Honey, she's got to go.
- Two weeks.
- Bye, sweetie.
- Bye.
- Safe trip, huh?
- Okay.
Sweetheart...
- Okay?
- Mm-hmm.
Flight 72 to Rome.
Final boarding,
Flight 72 to Rome.
Hey! We're going to the land
where they invented spaghetti!
Ah heh.
Yeah, and the best part is
Kate and all the little
teeth- whitening friends
who'd be ragging on me
for messing up graduation
went to Water-slide Wonderland.
How many Lizzies does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know, but it only takes
one to screw up a graduation.
Hey. Zip it.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Down each avenue or via,
street or strata
You can see 'em disappearing
two by two
On an evening in Roma
Do they take 'em
for espresso?
Yeah, I guess so
On each lover's arm,
a girl I wish I knew
On an evening in Roma
So please meet me
in the plaza near your casa
I am only one,
and that is one too few
On an evening in Roma
Don't know what
the country's coming to
But in Rome,
do as the Romans do
Will you?
- On an evening in Roma
Here we are.
Step right up.
Number one...
Number two...
Welcome to the Hotel Cambini.
Welcome to the Hotel Cambini.
Lest you think there are many
of you and less of me
and it will therefore be easy
to pull