chance
to talk to you, man to man.
I've only been a man a few days, Dad.
You're growing up so fast.
I have spent the past 15 years...
...developing newer and better
food additives.
I guess I missed a lot.
At first, I didn't want
to take this vacation.
Now I'm glad I did.
It has given me a chance
to spend more time with you and...
Audrey.
Audrey. Yeah.
It's been fun for me, too, Dad.
Except for Aunt Edna.
She doesn't mean to be
a pain in the rump.
It's just the way she is.
Let's not let it spoil our fun, okay?
I won't.
Maybe she would be nicer
if she had a family of her own.
Instead of always having to latch
onto someone else's.
You're a pretty bright little guy.
Excuse me... man.
It's okay.
Do you know what I want to do?
When I was your age,
my dad shared a beer with me.
And I thought it was
the best thing ever.
When I was a boy, just about
every summer we'd take a vacation.
In 18 years, we never had fun.
Now I have my own family.
And we're on our own vacation.
You know what?
What, Dad?
We're going to have fun.
We're going to have fun.
Don't let your mother smell
that beer on your breath.
She'll take it out on me.
I better get moving if I want
to get us out of here by dark.
Good talk, son.
Good talk, Dad.
Clark?
I just had a good talk with Rusty.
You'll be in good hands here, honey.
Where are you going?!
There must be a phone or a gas station
around here, honey.
All right, but if you're
not back in an hour...
I'll be fine. You'll be fine.
I'm sure this happens all the time.
A patrol car will be by any minute.
"Over the river and through the woods
"To Grandmother's house we go
"A thousand bottles of beer on the wall
"Four bottles of beer
"If one of those bottles
should happen to fall...
"I love a parade
"The trampling of feet,
I love the beat I hear of a drum
"I love a parade"
We pass a goddamn gas station
every 100 yards for 1,000 miles!
But when you really need one,
you end up walking your ass off.
This is no way to run a desert!
Jesus! I'm going to die!
What an asshole!
Taxi. Taxi!
I'm dead.
I'm dying. I'm dead. I'm finished.
Hot! Hot!
I'm not sure of his
exact height and weight.
All I know is the man was
a saint with children...
...and a genius with food additives...
...and...
Clark!
Ellen!
Russ!
Audrey?
Audrey!
Are you all right?
I'm fine!
What happened to you?
How did you get here?
Well these two nice Indians and
a man on a camel called a tow truck.
Daddy's back!
Kids, are you thirsty?
- Yeah, I bet you are too!
- You said it!
What do I owe you?
I never heard of no one so stupid
as you driving off that road.
You must have manure for brains.
Yes, well, I'm from out of town.
What's the bill?
Come on. How much?
How much do you have?
No, I'm asking how much the repairs are.
I'm asking you, how much do you have.
You're crazy.
I don't have time to play around.
How much is it?
All of it, boy.
What does your sheriff think
of your business practices?
Audrey, how much
baby-sitting money do you have?
How come?
How much?
What's the matter?
I just spent $500
on four bald tires and a tow!
How much do you have?
$35.
She has $40, Dad.
How would you know? Unless you went
in my purse, you rotten sneak.
Have you been going through
her private property?
I don't give a frog's fat ass
who went through what.
We need money!
Edna, how much do you have?
She's asleep, Clark!
Russ, do you want to look
through Edna's purse?
Clark!
Unzip it.
She has 11 cents, Dad.
Terrific.
The motel will cash your check.
They better. We're going to
run out of gas.
I'm sorry, sir.
I can't accept this credit card.
Why not?
The computer says
it's has been reported lost.
My wife lost her credit
cards in Colorado and I reported it.
The computer is probably reporting that
I lost mine also, which I haven't.
Well, you'll have to straighten that out
with your bank.
Will you accept a personal check?
For what amount?
$300.
I