hurt my prlde
"Call me Mlster Blue
"I'm Mlster Blue wlthout you"
Sparky, why don't you turn off the TV
and come to bed?
Okay, honey.
Well, up and at 'em.
We're here.
Clark!
Can I do your back, honey?
I've already done my back.
Can I do your front?
Go do your own front.
We should call Catherine and Eddie...
...and tell them that we won't be in
until tomorrow afternoon.
Afternoon?
If we're not there by 10:00 a.m.,
we'll be completely off-schedule.
I planned very carefully...
...so we'd be at Walley World
first thing Saturday morning.
Sparky, I know how much
this trip means to you...
...and that you want all of us
to have a great time, but...
...it's a long way to Walley World.
I think it'd be easier on all of us
if you'd just try to relax.
I'm way ahead of you, honey.
ELLEN: Oh, ho!
When did you get these?
CLARK: I have my little secrets.
What a nice thought.
Don't drink yet!
Ready?
CLARK: I would like to propose a toast.
Here's to a very restful vacation.
Here's to a very relaxing vacation...
...a renewed love affair...
...and a time of joy with our kids.
You know, I've never told you this.
I know it's been a rough beginning.
I think there's something wrong here!
It's the bed. It will slow down in a second.
I got it! Hold on to this. Enjoy it.
ELLEN: What are you doing?
CLARK: Let's try this, my darling.
We haven't done this in a long time.
ELLEN: Oh! Clark!
What's that noise?
What's going on?
Don't you kids knock anymore?
Sorry, we thought you were fighting.
Nobody is fighting in here.
It's very late.
RUSTY: Where is Mom?
ELLEN: I'm under here, kids.
ELLEN: Go back to bed.
Go back to bed, now.
The bed was very soft.
"Weird-o-rama!"
CLARK: Thls Is the same streetWyatt Earp kept law and order on.
ELLEN: It seems klnd of dlrty and tourlsty.
CLARK: The Old West was dlrty.
Everythlng Isn't Ilke home.
If It were, there'd be no reasonfor leavlng home. Rlght, Rusty?
RUSTY: Yeah, Dad. Thls Is great.
I'm glad we dldrt go to Hawall.
CLARK: I'll bet you are.
Let's go get a drink.
MAN: Howdy, city slickers!
Welcome! No fighting,
cussing or gunslinging.
WYATT EARP: Watch what you say
to our bartender. He's an ornery cuss.
Thank you, Sheriff.
Marshal.
CLARK: Sorry.
No sweat.
Give me five, partner!
That guy was a crummy Wyatt Earp!
He's wearing jogging shoes!
They used to, Rusty.
Hey, knucklehead!
Set us up with four redeyes, will you?
Hey, yellow-belly! I'm talking to you!
Hey, tenderfoot!
Move your chicken wings, turkey!
Clark! That's not nice!
It's part of the act, honey.
Hey, underpants!
I'm okay! I'm okay!
I'm all right!
That wasrt funny! A noise like that
could impair the kids' hearing.
Ah, come on!
It was real! It looked real, didn't it?
I thought it was real gun.
Didrt it look real when I fell down?
AUDREY: What?
Didrt it look real?
What?
Are you happy now, Clark?
She's deaf.
What's the difference? It was fun anyway.
Let's have a drink.
Pardon me, sir?
Catherine said we just stay on 50.
CLARK: I was thinking of shooting over
to 54 and zipping down to Liberal.
What for?
The House of Mud.
RUSTY: What's that?
The largest freestanding mud dwelling
ever built!
You see, kids...
The pioneers didn't have bricks,
so they used mud.
They didn't use mud, they used sod!
CLARK: Right, Audrey.
When they ran out of sod, they used mud!
Let's skip The House of Mud.
Dodge City was enough for one day.
Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.
It's living history.
But, if you'd rather see your cousins...
...it's okay by me.
Personally, I'd rather see a pile
of mud than Eddie.
Knock it off!
ELLEN: What's going on?
Rusty is licking his hand
and touching me with it!
Tell Rusty to behave himself.
Rusty, behave yourself!
Audrey is eating candy and smiling
with it stuck all over her teeth!
Audrey, eat with you mouth closed!
No eating in the car, kids!
You suck, you know that?
Retard!
I am trying to concentrate on the road!
"I