have to ride
with a dead person, do we?
Please say we don't!
Lt'd be real easy for Cousin Normie
to find her.
All he'd have to do is look for the buzzards.
Hell! We'll drive her to Cousin Normie's.
I just didn't want to get caught up
in a funeral, inquests and all that crap.
You are the most self-centered,
egotistical, manipulative...
Don't say anything you'll regret, Ellen!
I'm being practical.
If we drove straight through...
...we'd have three days
at Walley World at best. Three.
She can't weight more than 100 pounds.
No! You can't put her up on that roof!
Yes, he can!
Do you want me to strap her to the hood?
What's the difference? She'll be fine.
It's not as if it's going to rain
or something.
[Thunder rumbling]
[Lnstrumental music, background]
ELLEN: This is terrible!
ELLEN: What a nightmare!
[Lnstrumental music continues]
Don't just blurt it out about Edna dying!
How about if I ask him
to play a guessing game?
[Doorbell rings]
[Rain pelting]
Oh, no, he isn't even home.
Maybe the neighbors know where he is.
The moron knows we're coming,
and he isn't home.
Normie's always been flighty.
He's always been a jag-off.
Will you watch your mouth?
CLARK: There's a note.
"Have gone to Flagstaff.
Be back on Monday."
What a worm!
[Lnstrumental music continues]
[Thunder roars]
ELLEN: It's locked!
CLARK: Okay, let's go!
We can't leave her on the patio!
Should I slip her in the night-deposit box
at the funeral home?
Come on!
It's raining all over her!
She can't catch a cold now, Mom!
We have to at least say something.
Okay, bow your heads, bow your heads.
Oh, God...
Ease our suffering in this,
our moment of great despair!
Admit this good and decent woman
into thine arms and the flock...
...in thine heavenly area up there.
And Moab he laideth down
behind the land of the Canaanites.
CLARK: And, yea, though the Hindus speak
of karma...
Clark!
I implore you, give her a break.
Clark!
[Sings] "Hallelujah"
Clark, this is a serious matter!
I'll do it myself!
Honey, I'm not an ordained minister!
I'm doing my best, okay?
Lord, we love this woman
with all our hearts!
Let's not overdo it, Mom!
Shut up!
We know she deserves better than this...
...but my husband wants his beloved family
to get to Walley World...
...to have their vacation!
I hope you understand!
Have mercy on his soul!
Amen! Let's go!
ELLEN: I hope you kids have learned
something about life and death!
AUDREY: Yeah! Don't die
unless someone is home!
I think Normie will understand...
...when he sees the note
we pinned on Edna's sleeve.
Sure! You left his dead mother
tied to a lawn chair in his backyard!
I'm sure he won't mind!
It's all over and done with!
We'll find a motel and start fresh
in the morning.
I don't want to be in the car anymore.
I want to go home!
I don't want to go to Walley World!
ELLEN: Clark, under the circumstances,
I would rather we just go home.
In retrospect, driving across country
has been one disaster after another!
Yeah, it's been a real drag, Dad!
Maybe we can try it some other time.
RUSTY: Walley World's overrated anyway.
What do you think?
[Tires screech]
I think you're all fucked in the head.
We're ten hours from the fucking
fun park and you want to bail out.
Well, I'll tell you something.
This is no longer a vacation!
It's a quest!
It's a quest for fun.
CLARK: I'm going to have fun
and you're going to have fun.
We're golng to have so much fucklng fun...
...we'll need plastic surgery
to remove our goddamn smiles.
You'll be whistling "zippity-doo-dah"
out of your assholes!
[Clark laughs]
I must be crazy. I'm on a pilgrimage
to see a moose.
Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!
[Thunder roars]
Dad, do you want an aspirin or something?
Don't touch!
The next time you have one
of your outbursts...
...l'd appreciate it if you'd have
some consideration for your kids.
CLARK: What are you talking about?
You don't know?
All I know is