And then I met Lena.
What is a hacker anyways?
Probably a hacker means being cool.
She was so wrong. There is
no romance at all in my life.
Look, here's a dude, staring at the screen...
If something, he's scared out of his wits.
And at night you're dreaming such stuff...
better not sleep at all.
"Have you hacked God's server?"
Or I dream I forgot all of my passwords.
Shut up, I'm sleeping.
Stop. I strayed from the story again.
Everything started with a teapot.
You live like a tramp. You even make tea in a pan.
Lena, what does it matter?
For normal people it matters. Some hacker!
You can't earn money, can't steal money,
what can you do then?
If I steal money, I'll get busted one day.
Stealing money is dangerous.
At least steal a teapot from the internet.
Otherwise you aren't a hacker but some idiot.
All right, all right.
Shit... crap... shit... crap...
What is this teapot? An extraemitter?
Crap.. expensive.. expensive...
Oh, this one is cool.
So I look at it, the auction is sure illicit...
Teapot isn't expensive...
And I did something you should never do.
I entered my adress for delivery.
Here you go! Home delivery!
This is no teapot. This is a jug.
Somehow she was right. It was a jug.
Oh yes. Everything started
with this very damned jug.
KHOTTABYCH
Based on the story
"Old Khottabych's Copper Jug" by Sergey Klado.
I asked for a normal teapot
you can plug into an outlet...
and boil water in it.
And this is just crap!
Why crap? It's a rarity.
See, I pinched it from London auction.
I don't give a damn where you pinched it. It is shit!
"Severe error at address "Lena"
And your whole life is shit!
And you're moron! I'm sick of you!
"Connection to object "Lena"
will be cancelled in 3 seconds"
Got it?
"Program "Sexual relationship" deleted".
That's it. Don't call me anymore!
So, everything started when...
It doesn't matter when. It has started...
and clouds began thickening above me.
Zurich, Switzerland
No! Nein!
It can't be! Do you see?
I don't believe it. It's sold!
Who should I speak to other
than the author of the auction?
These are our family values!
Can you please give me any information?
I see. Thank you.
Hello? Our hacker has appeared.
Ryzhov Genadiy Vitalyevitch?
What a pain in the
ass was this delivery!
KTD, customs, had to reannex a bill, conversating,
just aviational... So, you owe me one grand.
What? One grand?
Delivery is more
expensive than the article?
For that money I don't need that jug at all.
It's up to you. The article was delivered,
but the addressee refuses to accept it...
I'll have to send some inqueries then...
Let them check who is the buyer...
and how he got the article...
Wait. Don't send out any queries.
The delivery can't be that expensive!
It can. It's written on your forehead
who you are and what you do.
Listen. If the money isn't here today,
we'll help you to work it off.
You are, after all... a hacker.
So? Did he buy your crap?
Sure he did. When I mentioned the cops,
he shitted his pants.
What a stink.
For that money there
could be a genie included!
I conjure you genie, come out!
Asshole!
Yes! Michael Jordan is a lamer!
Genadiy Ryzhov stole the jug
right from under my nose.
I will turn this moron into a worm!
Yes! He earned it!
Yeah. I need the cash today.
What? To sell my computer?
Are you an idiot?
I'd rather sell my kidney.
What are you doing?
He snarled at me!
Who are you anyway?
Genie.
What? Genie?
How didn't I get it
myself? Like Khottabych?
Khottabych, Khottabych...
Call me whatever you want, master.
Listen, Khottabych.
Get out of here, understand?
What?
With the fist in his mug... or a kick!
If you are a genie, prove it. Do a miracle.
"MIRACLE"
All right, all right! I believe you.
You have three wishes, my young friend.
Go and find out everything.
I will!
- So... genie.
- Yes.
Well, well. Oh, here is a mouse.
Let every mouse have a bottle-opener.
'Cause it's