the road...
...which is the left side of the road.
That's the whole problem.
Let me get this for you.
I'll put it back on for you.
Keep that.
Take it back to New York as a memento.
Thank you very much.
That's very kind of you.
There's another one.
Thank you. Good day.
I got the hang of it now.
Just stay on the right side...
Oh, please, let me help you.
No problem. No problem, squire.
No harm done.
- It doesn't hurt much.
- I'll pay for the damages.
Good heavens, no. No need for money.
I'll be all right.
Can I get you some help?
Get you to a phone?
Maybe he knows how to get to the hotel.
I hate to bother you, but we're staying
at the Royal Imperial Windsor Arms.
Royal Imperial Windsor! Very nice hotel.
It's a little small.
Well, you go back the way you came,
and you keep going to...
You've got a bad cut.
We better get you to a hospital.
It's just a flesh wound.
Nothing to write home about.
- Did you say a left or a right?
- Just a left.
Maybe it's broken.
It's just a leg. I have got another one.
I'll just pop into the chemist's.
Be right as rain tomorrow.
The final isn't till Sunday.
Sorry to bother you. You haven't seen
a bike around here, have you?
It's right here under the car.
The tire isn't flat, so we're in good shape.
Thanks for the directions. Sorry for
what happened. You're all right?
- Sure.
- Drive carefully. Have a nice day.
We just drive around this circle.
It should be the second left.
There's the hotel. Hey, look,
there's Big Ben and there's Parliament.
There it is!
I know, I can't seem to get over
to the left. I'll try next time.
Sorry. We'll get out of this jam
in a minute.
Kids, Big Ben, Parliament, again.
Kids.
- We know. Big Ben.
- Parliament.
That son of a bitch!
Look, kids. Forget it.
It's amazing. I cannot get left!
There's Big Ben, Parliament.
"When it's time to relax
One thing stands clear
"Beer after beer
"If you got the time
"We got the beer"
"Reach out, reach out and touch someone
"Reach out, call up and just say, 'Hi"'
What's the matter?
I can't stand it.
I'll never make it through two weeks.
Two weeks is nothing.
It's 14 times as long as yesterday,
and yesterday lasted...
...an eternity.
Why don't you call him?
- Are you crazy?
- What could happen?
Dad could rip out my tongue, that's what.
He wouldn't even notice
if you kept it short.
Okay, I'll just say hello
and good-bye. Short.
I wonder if anything good's on TV.
Should I watch cheese or snow?
- Hello?
- Hello, Jack.
Oh, God, Jack, I miss you so much.
- Do you miss me?
- Yes.
- Really?
- Yes.
I miss you so much it hurts.
- I got to go.
- What?
- I have to eat.
- Your mom's calling you to dinner?
Okay, I'll hold.
- Can we stop? I'm hungry.
- Yeah, Dad. Rusty's hungry.
We've got a schedule to keep.
That's it!
That's the way I want my hair cut!
You don't want to look like a rooster,
do you?
There's Buckingham Palace,
where the Queen lives and works.
Works? What does she do?
She queens and vacuums.
We'd like to check out, please.
Yeah, Mr. Greaseball.
Let's tally up your bill.
Will we really have time
to see Stonehenge?
No problem.
I've calculated the driving time.
If we skip lunch,
we'll make the plane to Paris.
I'm sick of English
food. I feel like a blimp.
You look fine.
Don't I just sign?
Pig in a Poke takes care of this.
- It does not include the telephone bill.
- We just made a couple of local calls.
That will be...
...$253 American.
- You're mistaken.
- How could that be?
Who the hell called Chicago?
Audrey, your father
didn't really mean what he said.
Yes, he did.
Not really, honey.
He has nothing against Jack.
He's not really going to cut
off his balls. Are you, Clark?
Okay, I won't.
Let's relax and enjoy the countryside.
This country is eons old, kids.
That's centuries, to you and me.
Charming, isn't it?
It looks like