some free time?
Sure. Let them go.
They're just a couple of ingrates.
They're not ingrates, they're teenagers.
- Where's my allowance?
- Where's my passport?
Just a minute!
Let's settle down and be reasonable.
If we think about it,
we can all make some compromises.
Oh, my God!
- Take it easy.
- I don't believe this!
This is the most humiliating thing you've
ever done to me! This is the last straw.
It's not my fault they stole the camera.
You promised to erase it!
I was going to erase it.
The guy stole the camera.
This is the lowest, the worst, Clark!
Where are you going?
We're going to the Colosseum at 2:00.
I'm going back to the hotel!
We didn't vote on that.
Forget your vote!
I'm seceding from the Union...
...forming my own government,
and declaring war on you!
- She knows I didn't do it on purpose.
- I don't blame her.
Yeah, it's not even a good likeness, is it?
I guess it's just you and me, Audrey.
Buongiorno.
That's bellissimo.
Really choice?
And I think that
you are really bellissimo also.
You're not too shabby yourself.
- You speak English?
- I'm from California.
All right! I'm from Chicago.
Do you want to go scarf
some grimace proportions?
What are you doing in Rome?
Traveling with my folks.
Me, too. We won...
- Pig in a Poke. I saw the show.
- You saw the show?
You answered the Thomas Edison
question and won car wax.
- You remembered?
- Yes, I thought you were cute.
You thought I was cute?
Finally, there's one of them.
And she's alone.
Let's get the guy out of the trunk.
Too many people here.
We'll move the car first.
I'll get the keys from her.
I hate to see a beautiful woman
drink bad wine.
Then you should leave,
because I'm going to get plastered.
What is it?
Is it your husband?
That pig?
He's not a pig.
He is a pig. He is!
Thank you.
Operator, I'd like the number
for information.
I want to call the airport.
Numero, please-o.
Pan Am.
Va bene. Non si preoccupi.
Faccio io. Lasci stare.
И stata una disgrazia.
Ora rimedio io, piano piano.
Che fa?
Then I rolled on the floor
and started going...
I was completely naked.
Not completely, I had on a towel.
He promised me he'd erase that.
He promised me he'd erase it.
I'm a ruined woman.
I thought this was going to be...
...like some kind of second honeymoon.
We should have left the children
with Helga and Fritz.
I'm sorry, but I should go to my room now.
I'm going to throw up.
Let me help you.
No, no. I'll be fine, really.
I think you'll feel better if you lie down.
I have a philosophy
about dealing with my parents.
If I'm in school or hanging out
or something...
...there's all this pressure
to act cool or do the right thing.
But if I'm with my parents,
who really cares?
They don't know what's cool and what's
not, so I just put everything on hold.
That's a great way to look at it.
I'm having a great time.
Me, too.
Imagine coming all the way to Rome
to meet someone from California.
Whatever happened to us?
We were high school sweethearts.
We never even did it until we got married.
Well, at least until we decided to.
And I left him all alone in that piazza.
I said the "F" word in front of my children!
What kind of woman am I?
Exciting.
Don't fight it, Ellen.
What are you doing?
Let me take you away from this.
I don't want to be away.
I want my Sparky back.
It was just a little argument.
He'll be here any minute.
He's very jealous.
I'm calling the manager.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Are you taking any calls?
The police are here.
Stay away from the Fiat.
I'm leaving.
I'll be right down.
Debbie, Audrey!
We've got a score to settle,
and you know what I mean!
If you want to salvage our last shred
of friendship, do me this favor.
I want you to book me on a Pan Am
flight out of Rome into Chicago today!
Yeah, I'll hold.
Bitch.
Take the car keys!
Find your father!
Don't move.
Mom, where are you going?
- What's wrong?
- Mom's been