good they have it together.
Yes, the plan.
It's not Santa's plan.
No, it's....
-Yeah, you know, it's not that fun.
-No, I think we killed it.
Emma? Emma, look at me!
Well, I think I'll go downstairs
for a while.
No, no, no! It's okay! It's okay!
I didn't go!
Don't cry, it's just a bit!
I'm your uncle Chandler.
Funny is all I have!
Okay, just so you know, I'm gonna be
ovulating from tomorrow until the 6th.
So don't touch yourself
for the next 48 hours.
I don't do that.
I'll try to stop.
-Did you say until the 6th?
-Yeah.
Today is the 6th.
No, it's not.
Yes, it's also 2003.
Oh, my God. Today's the 6th?
I may be done ovulating!
I may have also served some very
questionable meat at the restaurant.
-Go take the test, see if we're okay.
-Okay.
Tough crib.
Hey, where are all my ovulation sticks?
There's only one here.
I might have checked to see
if I was ovulating a couple times.
I'm not working! There's not much
to do around here!
Excuse me.
Is there a woman waiting at the bar?
Someone average height, dark hair?
Or perhaps doing a puzzle?
There's a drunk Chinese guy.
Well, if I'm still here in an hour,
buy him a drink on me.
Can I get you another glass of wine?
I don't know if I should.
I don't want to be drunk when I...
...go home alone tonight.
-Got stood up, huh?
-It's no big deal. It's just a blind date.
Are you worried your date came,
saw you and left?
No!
We're okay. I'm still ovulating.
Oh, good, because as of 4:00
this afternoon, I am not.
So let's do this.
-I don't think I can.
-Oh, come on.
I know you're not 18 anymore,
but give it a minute.
-Because of Emma.
-Oh, my God, Emma.
Oh, sweetie, I forgot you were here.
You're right, we can't do this.
We can't leave her alone.
Sorry.
Unless...
...maybe we do it here.
I mean, how much can she even
be aware of at this age?
She's aware when we leave a room.
She may notice if we start...
...canoodling in it.
-Canoodling?
-Well, I can't say hump or screw...
...in front of the B-A-B-Y.
I don't know,
I guess having sex in front of a baby...
-...isn't so....
-Horrifying? Scarring?
Something people go to jail for?
-I guess you're right.
-You guess?
At that bed-and-breakfast,
we didn't have sex...
...because you thought a deer
was staring through the window.
Well, what kind of a sick bastard
wants to do it in front of a deer?
Wow, everything looks so good.
I think I'm gonna have the chicken.
I just have to say this.
-You're really beautiful.
-Wow, that's very sweet. Thank you.
I'm kind of funny-looking.
-What?
-Look, I mean, come on...
...you're way out of my league.
Everybody in here knows it.
I bet that guy over there
is probably saying:
"Why's she out with him?
He must be rich."
Well, I'm not.
What do you think you want to order?
I'm real excited about that chicken.
I'm not funny, either.
So if you were thinking,
"Well, he's not that good-looking...
...but maybe we'll have some laughs, "
that ain't gonna happen.
Well, come on, Steve,
let's not rule out nervous laughter.
Hey, now, wait a minute,
Phoebe told me...
...that you owned your own restaurant.
That's impressive.
I lost it to drugs.
I silk-screen T-shirts now.
Really?
What's that like?
It's really fulfilling doing something
you hate for no money.
That's right. I have no money,
I'm not funny...
...I live in a studio apartment
with two other guys.
And I'm pretty sure I'm infertile.
Now, come on. Come on, Steve.
There must be something
that you like about yourself.
I do like my hair.
Really?
-Hello?
-Phoebe, it's me!
I'm going to hunt you down
and kill you.
Hey, Rach!
This is the worst date ever! How could
you set me up with this creep?
You know, you are talking about
one of my dear, dear friends.
I don't care. This guy is a nightmare.
All right, so he gets a little crazy
when he's stoned.
-He's not stoned.
-Did he go out for a cigarette?
-Yeah. Four times.
-My dear, sweet Rach.
Well,