that?
Say goodbye, elves.
I'm off to Tulsa.
I can't believe you won't be here
for Christmas.
You're really not coming back?
We have this paperwork that needs
to be filed by the end of the year.
-If I don't get it done, I'll be fired.
-It's so unfair.
-You don't even like your job.
-So. Who does?
-I like my job.
-I love my job.
-I can't wait to go back to work.
-I can't get enough dinosaurs.
I'm sorry I won't be here.
It's hard enough not seeing you
during the week...
...but for Christmas....
If this is what you have to do,
I understand.
Thanks.
I'll see you New Year's Day.
You're not gonna be here
New Year's Eve?
-Did I not mention that?
-No.
And to all a good night!
The One With Christmas in Tulsa
All right, everybody.
I know it is Christmas Eve...
...and you'd rather be with family,
but there is no call for writing...
..."Screw you, Mr. Bing"
on the back of my chair.
By the way,
you can all call me Chandler.
-Hey.
-Hey. Where you been?
I was checking out that insurance
company's Christmas party on three.
It was really beautiful. They have
decorations and this huge tree.
And I just thought,
to hell with them, we have to work.
So I stole their ham.
Hear that?
You may not be with your families...
...but at least it's gonna smell like ham
in here.
My kid's in a play right now.
You know what?
I know what will cheer you up.
I had a talk with the boys in New York.
I told them about all your hard work...
...and that a little Christmas bonus
may be in order.
"A donation has been made in your name
to the New York City Ballet."
Well, that's like money in your pocket.
All right, you want me to say it?
This sucks.
Being here sucks. This work sucks!
Now it feels like Christmas.
I'm sorry.
At least you get to go home
and be with your families tonight.
I have to go to an empty hotel room
and lay down...
...on a very questionable bedspread.
Then tomorrow, you get to have
Christmas in your own houses.
Which, by the way,
none of you have invited me to.
-You can come to my house.
-No, thanks.
-It was a nice pep talk.
-Thanks.
I'm actually thinking about becoming
a motivational speaker.
So if you were home right now,
what would you be doing?
Typical Christmassy stuff, you know.
Our holidays are pretty traditional.
So here's a very special
holiday song...
...that I wrote for some
very important people to me.
Happy holidays, everybody.
Pheebs, look in the kitchen.
I'll look in the back closet.
I can save you time, ladies.
I'm right here.
Yeah. Chandler,
why don't you take a walk.
This doesn't concern you.
We are looking for
our Christmas presents from Monica.
-What? That's terrible.
-No, no. We do it every year.
Well, that makes it not terrible.
No. Yeah, we never find them.
She's always bested us, that wily...
...minx.
We're gonna search here
for an hour...
...and then we'll go to Joey's
and search. Okay?
No, not okay.
You can't look for Monica's presents.
-No, we have to.
-No, you don't have to.
And you can't,
because I live here too.
-Well, then you should look with us.
-Why?
Aren't you worried about what
to get Monica for Christmas?
No, I have a great idea
for a present for her.
That's it? "A great idea"?
That's not enough.
What if she gets you a great present...
...two medium presents
and lots of little presents...
...and you got her one great present?
That's gonna make her feel bad.
Why would you do that to her?
Why? Why?
-If I helped, we could find them faster!
-Right.
-We have a live one!
-It's a Macy's bag!
Who's it for?
"Dear Losers: Do you really think
I'd hide presents under the couch?
P.S. Chandler,
I knew they'd break you."
Rach, these are for you.
Wiper blades. I don't even have a car.
No, but with this new-car smell,
you'll think you do.
Okay, Pheebs, your turn.
Toilet seat covers!
Is that what you were doing
while I was getting gas?
You guys.
And for Ross, Mr. Sweet Tooth.
-You got me a