in Tulsa is,
you fell asleep in a meeting...
...and took the job without realizing
what you were saying yes to?
Well, don't believe
everything you hear, Ken.
But yeah, that's true.
All right, let's get started by taking
a look at last quarter's figures.
Claudia, aren't you supposed
to blow smoke up the boss's ass?
-I'm sorry. Does the smoke bother you?
-No. I smoked for years. Then I quit.
Right now, I can't remember why.
You're not allowed to smoke
in this office, right?
Yes, in Oklahoma it's legal to smoke
in offices with 15 people or less.
-Would you like one?
-All right, look. I don't smoke anymore.
But if the rest of you want to light up,
go ahead, it's fine.
So you all smoke, then?
You know, it's almost rude
that I'm not smoking.
-That's not true. If you don't want--
-Ken, please!
No, I can't. I can't smoke.
If I smoke, my wife would kill me.
I'm sorry, but isn't your wife
back in New York?
I've always liked you, Ken.
Trick or treat.
-Hey.
-And "treat" it is.
Wow. So glad I changed.
I almost wore my threadbare robe
that can't contain my breasts.
This is not what I'm wearing.
I'm ovulating...
...and Chandler's gonna be home.
So I thought we would try before dinner.
Wait, does that--? You guys won't
be late for my dinner, will you?
We haven't seen each other
in over a week.
We'll probably be the first ones there.
Okay. See you there. Happy humping.
Hey. Well, hey!
Wow, somebody smoked out here?
My God, don't people know you're
not allowed to smoke in public spaces?
Actually, in Oklahoma smoking's legal
in offices with fewer than 15 people.
Oh, you smoked.
No. I just happen to know a lot of trivia
about smoking in different states.
For example, in Hawaii,
cigarettes are called lei-lana-lukus.
-Oh, Chandler, you stink of cigarettes!
-Do you think Monica will smell it?
Are you kidding? That woman
has the nose of a bloodhound.
And the breasts of a Greek goddess.
Pheebs?
I'm gonna go.
Okay. Something to cover the smell.
Oven cleaner.
Unscented.
Welcome home.
I've missed you.
-You want to join me in the bedroom?
-No, thanks, I'm good.
Okay. So you want to play it
that way, do you?
Well, you know what, actually,
I just got off a plane...
...so I'm feeling gross.
I should take a shower.
-Come here, you don't need a shower.
-All right, the truth is...
...I soiled myself
during some turbulence.
What do I smell? I smell smoke.
Did you smoke?
Yes. But I just had one.
Two.
Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five.
A pack. Two pack-- A carton.
Three big fat cartons in two days!
But it's over. I've made a decision,
I'm not gonna smoke anymore.
Well, those are for you.
All right. Well, we'll just see you
when you get here. Bye.
Oh, that was my mom.
She's stuck in terrible traffic.
That is now the third sign
that I should not leave Emma.
-What are the other two?
-Well, the first one is, I don't want to.
And second one, I'm not going.
I know this is the first time
we're leaving the baby.
I know how hard it is for you. But....
But everything's gonna be fine.
I mean, my mom is gonna be with her.
-She's great with kids.
-She is?
Yeah.
What about Monica?
You only hear Monica's side of that.
Okay, that little fatso was a terror!
-I just don't think I can do it.
-Know what? You can and you should.
Really, it will be good for you.
In fact, you know what?
Go ahead to the restaurant,
and I will wait for my mom...
...and then I'll meet you there.
No, no, really, you should go. Go out.
Really, the world is your oyster.
Kick up your heels. Paint the town red!
-You need to learn some new slang.
-I'm serious. Come on, you should go.
Here. No, just go.
-Well--
-No, no! You know what?
You're not getting back in there!
The baby's fine. Now, scram!
Yeah, tell your story walking!
I was just going to say
that I left my keys.
Holy moley, are we in a pickle now!
Where is everyone?
They're 40 minutes late.
-I know.
-I'm starving.
I